Showing posts with label Hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hope. Show all posts

Friday, May 25, 2012

God is Good...All the Time?



Scene 1: A happy-go-lucky Irishman sitting in his fields of ripe, golden wheat with a huge smile on his face.  The sun is shining brightly, the sky is blue with white, puffy clouds lazing around, and birds are chirping gaily.  It is the perfect day.  "God, You are just absolutely amazing!  This day is perfect, my fields are ready to be harvested, and I feel so happy to be alive!  Life is grand, and God, You are so good to me!  Yep, God is good."  He nods his head in affirmation of what he just said as he looks about his beautiful wheat once again.  "Yes, God is good, all the time!"

Scene 2:  The puffy white clouds have tuned black and menacing, while the sun no longer shines.  The wind begins to pick up dangerously as storm clouds threaten to unleash their fury.  The happy-go-lucky Irishman now has a furrow between his brow as he gazes up into the sky and then back at his wheat.  Harvesting was to begin tomorrow. Thunder roars, startling the Irishman.  He runs for cover as the clouds suddenly open up and let loose torrents of pouring, gushing rain.  He ducks into his barn, soaked to the skin.  Worry lines increase on his forehead.  What had happened to his perfect day?  Stark fear springs into his eyes as he hears an unwelcome sound.  He prays his ears deceive him.  But no, his eyes confirm it.  It was hail.  "No, oh no, my wheat.  God, why are You doing this?!  What happened to doing what is best for me?  Don't You understand, that wheat is my livelihood!  What will I feed my family with if I haven't any money?  God, You're supposed to be good all the time!  No, please no.  God, if You truly do what is best for me, stop this hail before it completely destroys my crop!  God?  God!"



Just what is a fair-weather friend?  Someone who is not steadfast; able to be relied upon only when things are going well, much like the Irishman in the story.  When everything was going according to his plan, he trusted and relied upon God.  Yes, God was good then.  But as soon as things didn't go according to the man's plan, he lashed out at God.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28


To read the rest of this post, click here.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

"Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living."



"Many waters cannot quench love, 
neither can the floods drown it: 
If a man would give all the substance of his house for love, 
it would utterly be contemned."  ~Song of Solomon 8:7


I have always loved this verse, partly because I hope that one day when I am married this will be the description of the love between my husband and I.  "Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it."  The flow of the music in these words are mystically romantic, at least to a girl with extreme romantic inclinations.  Like me.  However, in our "girlish romantic inclinations" many times we can distort the view of true biblical love.  We develop a false misconception of happily ever afters, goosebumps and shivers down the spine, sentimentally romantic candlelight and flowers, irrationality, and...you know...all those things girls love.  Basically the belief that when two people fall head-over-heels there is nothing but happiness and passion and bliss and eternal peace is, quite frankly, the idea that has brainwashed our minds by romantic novels and Hollywood.

But don't get me wrong, there is happiness and passion and bliss in true love.  There are happily ever afters, goosebumps and shivers down the spine, sentimentally romantic candlelight and flowers, and so forth in true love and marriage, in a biblical, God-defined way.  We cannot automatically dismiss the love-making as off-limits to Christians as something irreligious, and make love into some hard-core lack-of-feeling mentality.  Definitely not.  God delights in love and marriage.  The Bible speaks many times on the aspect of love between a man and a woman, and even the romantic details that follow (Song of Solomon is an perfect example).

Nevertheless, girls are emotional.  Very emotional, very dramatic, very romantically inclined, and they we love every aspect of those wishy-washy feelings of love.  Why? We are women.  When a movie ends in a very happily ever after we get a feeling of gleesome "Oh I can't wait until that happens to me!"  Trust me, girls are oftentimes hard to understand, even for me being one of them, especially when it comes to our romantic tendencies.  Unfortunately we would sometimes rather live in a romance fantasy than the real world.

There is a destructive force of evil conforming the minds of young people today regarding love and marriage.  Not only are they encouraged to wait to get married until later in life, but when they do get "involved" there is a lot of fantasy regarding intimate relationships between young men and women, and it is initiated by Hollywood as a flirtatious and selfish type of love.  However, this is totally contrary to the biblical definition of true love.  

This post is not specifically targeting the differences between the world's version of love versus the Bible's, important though the subject matter may be.  Instead, I see most of all a disturbing amount of longing and sighing amongst girls wishing and hoping and praying for the right man to come along, especially Christian young women.  Perhaps it is because we are trying to live according to God's standards, which includes courtship and marriage, so we are often unhappy with our situation in life as we wait for "the one."  We may know what true love is, and we may be waiting expectantly for it, but sometimes we are so downright discouraged that we become discontent with our lot in life.

"Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living." -Jim Elliot

I come across the above quote one day in a book and it cause me to pause and wonder.  Jim Elliot was writing to his fiancee Elizabeth (who would later become his wife), and it surprised me that he would have such a surrendering attitude.  At that time they were both separated by many miles, and it was rare when they were able to see each other.  Yet still Jim Elliot wrote those words to her.  He understood how hard it was to surrender his life completely to God in every area, especially when it was concerning his love life.  More than anything he wanted to marry his beloved.  Nevertheless he understood that a person's intense longings must not slay the appetite of their living, or it will waste their life.

Because girls are eccentrically romantic we tend to look to the feelings that make us feel good.  In doing this we do not realize how easly we sow the seeds of discontentment.  Whether we are still waiting, or whether we know who God has intended for us, we all can have the same problem.  Our longings will absolutely destroy the moments we have for living a life dedicated to God—out of marriage or in marriage.  If we succumb to  disastrous feelings of longing that we cannot control, how will we ever be satisfied with what God has given us?

Trust me, I now that waiting and hoping is no easy task.  God gave every woman an inner desire to be loved by a man, but that is not a license for not living our lives.  In each of our lives—no matter our age or station—we can all invest in the families that God has placed us in, and develop the gifts He has blessed us with.  All too soon we will be starting families of our own, if it is God's will.  One day we will be enjoying an incredible amount of happiness as the man God has for us woos and wins us.  Then our womanly desires will be completed in an even fuller sense.

But until then, we are complete in Christ.  We have His love.  We are His part of His bride.  More than anything else, we are to be satisfied in Him.

And then one day we will be united in holy matrimony, and experience something grand and marvelous beyond our wildest dreams—biblical romance at its fullest.  In my opinion, that is far better than what the world has to offer.

"Delight thyself also in the LORD; 
and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. 
Commit thy way unto the LORD; 
trust in Him; and He shall bring it to pass." ~Psalm 37:4-5


Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Just A Reminder: He Made Us



O LORD, Thou hast searched me, and known me.  
Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, Thou understandest my thought afar off.  
Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.  
For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, Thou knowest it altogether.  
Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: 
and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
~Psalm 139:1-4, 23-24

I love this reminder of God's sovereignty.  Here the Psalmist is telling us that God knows everything about us: when we sit down, when we rise up, our thoughts, and every word our tongue speaks—compassing every single tiny detail about us.  Then in verse 14 of the same chapter David continues:

"I will praise Thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: 
marvelous are Thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."

I love that.  I love how God fashioned us and created us—each with different personalities, looks, and characteristics—and loves us each as something terrifically exceptional and incomparable because He made us.  There is such power in those three words: He made us.  If He made us, and He is God Almighty, then nothing can be wrong, absolutely nothing.  And even more than that, He knows everything about us, even from our very number of hairs (Matt.10:30; Luke 12:7). That alone is astounding.amazing.powerful.awing.inspiring.extraordinary.bliss.

Doesn't that alone tell you how supremely excellent our God is?

I don't know about you, but I need to be reminded every day of just that, and I think that goes for all of us.  Too often we are burdened down by the cares of this world and forget of how wonderfully crafted we are and how much mercy God bestows on us each and every day.  We forget all of the extensive blessings that God has given us (i.e. breath, health, food, raiment) as we dwell on the negatives of life.  Even if we are not blessed with great material wealth, while we retain breath in our body we have been given a gift.  And an even greater gift we have been given is the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

Even when we compare how much we don't have (material wealth) to how much we do have (eternal wealth), I'd say we have much more than we deserve. 

Like I said, I don't know about you, but I need to be reminded every day of just that.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Must I Continue?



Selfishness, self-love, self-righteousness, jealousy, strife, conflict, rivalry, competition, resentment, anger, hurtful teasing, harassment, intolerance of fault in others, quarreling, backbiting, impatience, self-pride, degradation of others, sarcasm, disunity, obstinacy, narcissism, autonomy, selfish ambition, bitterness, grudges, hatred, discontentment, cruel remarks, rebellion, temper outbursts, rudeness...

Must I continue?

There are many reason why I have decided to write this book, the first and foremost being for the glory of God and the advancement of His kingdom.  Secondly, I write this book for my seven siblings (nope, seven isn't lucky for me because I still have to deal with the same problems that everyone else has to deal with).  They are a rather lively and unique group of kids, with many different talents and personalities and characteristics and gifts.  Grace (16), Kirstie (14), Katie (12), Maggie (11), Reb (9), Clara (7), and Liberty (2) are all very intelligent and clever, but you know me: highly prejudiced when it comes to my family.  I will defend them to the death...even if we aren't exactly getting along very well at the moment.  I want to give them an inheritance from their oldest sister, a legacy of love that can be passed down to offer guidance, edification, and sanctification amidst a crooked and perverse generation (Phil.2:5).  I want them to know what it means to struggle, yet overcome those struggles and move on toward success.  This is my prayer.

I also write this book for my children in the future.  Being a kid once myself [humor inserted], I know what it's like to go through sibling rivalry, and I don't want my children wasting years of their lives as bitter enemies with their [many] brothers and sisters.  I want this book to be a part of the heritage that I pass on to my children in future years as a part of their mother's love to them.  I'm trying to keep a multigenerational viewpoint in mind as I write as a vision of hope for my children.
This book is furthermore for other struggling siblings.  I know that my siblings and I are not the only ones who struggle, for rivalry is a common problem.  Why?  Well, you'll just have to wait and read my book.

Must I continue?

My heart beats with intense delight.  I do not know how long or when, but I do know, and I can't tell you how joyous that makes me feel.  It will be a dream come true when I am finally able to hold a freshly-printed copy of my book in my hands.  Then I will read it all the way through and count how many mistakes I made.  Oh dear...

Maybe I won't.  It may be too much of a painful project.  Then you can read it all the way through and tell me how many mistakes I made.

As I continue on my journey, my quest-like answering-all-of-the-problems (well, not really; I don't have all of the answers), I have to remember that it is not all my siblings' fault that we don't get along as best friends.  Ultimately, I am to blame.  We each individually are to blame.  If we are the oldest then we have an even greater responsibility, but no matter our sibling station—whether we are the oldest, the youngest, or one in between—we are to be accountable for our actions.  We can't simply throw all the blame on our siblings' shoulders and get away with it, because that proves our selfishness, self-love, and immaturity.  Do we really love ourselves so much that we can't admit when we are wrong?

I don't want to dishearten you, I want to encourage you!  I have seen examples of siblings who rose above the standard "just get along and don't kill each other" mentality, and become the best of best friends.  As a matter of fact, they become best friends forever.  Those stories stimulate me.  I want my relationship with my siblings to become just like that, and then in turn, encourage others so that they want the same outcome.

You can be an incredible help to me, with your prayers, your encouragement, and even your input.  Everyone has questions that they want answered, and while I am not the best qualified, I know the best place to look (John 5:39)—a place that we all can access, thanks to the blood and sweat of martyrs and Church fathers.

Any daughter at home has great potential to advance the kingdom of Christ.  I want to use the rest of my unmarried years to the fullest extent possible, doing everything I can to further my father's vision, be a help to my mother, and become the best friend of my siblings.  Surprisingly, I think that I have lost my vehement desire to get married as soon as possible.  Like I have any control over that anyway.  I won't kid you, I still want to get married...someday, believe me.  But right now I have an obligation to fulfill, and it cannot be fulfilled unless I focus on it completely, without the interruption of sighs, longings, and dreams that distract and hinder me.  Dreams I will keep dreaming, but for now I am excited about being a daughter and a siblings.  With the glasses that I wear, the grass looks greener here than it does on the other side.

I don't think I need continue.

With summer almost gone and school almost beginning, my days will be very busy.  Plus finishing pocket college, I'll be doing more work for Daddy, HTML, lots of reading, and working with my younger-schooled siblings.  I won't officially graduate so to speak until this school year ends so that we can do things right for the formal proclamation, but I'm thankful for one more chance to study hard and learn all that I can.  One more year, then I will no longer be a schoolgirl.  I wonder how that will feel...




Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Just What My Big Idea Is...



Just so that there isn't anyone confused about my big idea...

My topic will be dealing with the issue of brothers and sisters.  You know, why we can't get along, what the Bible has to say about sibling relationships, what the answers are to problems in the home, how we can actually like our siblings, all the trouble little brothers and sisters cause...

Oops.  Okay, all the trouble that oldests can cause too.

I know that there is already a tremendous book out there on the market, but because we can't have too much material on the subject (especially from different perspectives, and I have a good one with seven siblings)—and there isn't much to choose from anyway—I have been urged and propelled forward by my parents with a "go ahead" sign.  Or rather, "go ahead" words.  Anyway, there you have it.  My big idea.  Pretty big indeed.  So far things are looking good, but how can I say that when I know how critical I am of my own writings?  Well, okay, going good in the aspect that at least I'm finding things to write about.

On a serious note, I have determined to make this journey (let's call it a quest) one that will transform my relationships with my siblings.  I'm tired of the sub-par standard of just trying to get along.  It isn't enough any more, and it hasn't satisfied through the years.  As I grow older I see the damage I have caused in the lives of my siblings, and I don't want to live with the regret that I didn't fix the problem when I had a chance.  What are oldest sisters for (or brothers for that matter)?  So this book is a really a test of myself: do I have enough courage and fortitude to admit when I'm wrong, correct my mistakes, and press on toward making my siblings my best friends—truly?  For I genuinely want to be their best friend, and they to be mine.  But there are many bitter roots to weed out first.  Mostly from the deeds that I have done, because, after all, I am the oldest siblings who is the example (once I hated my mom constantly telling me that I was the example to the rest of my siblings, but just as it can be used for bad, it can definitely be used for good).

Pray for me as I write.  Pray for me as I attempt and resolve and conquer the obstacles before me.  I want to be able to persevere at the end of this book and say with all honestly, "My siblings are my best friends."  Of course, I may have many good outside friends, but I want my siblings to be my best friends.  Forever and ever.  Just like Anne and Diana in Anne of Green Gables.  They were inseparable.  They did everything together.  They shared secrets, passions, pursuits, hopes, dreams, ideals, expectations and thoughts for the future, fears, likes and dislikes, and spent all of their time together, from when they were little girls until they grew up.  Though they had other friends, they were the best of bosom friends.  That is how I want my siblings and I to be.

Just a summary so you don't leave my blog with a perplexed look.  Then again, you still might.  At least I tried.

Monday, September 27, 2010

The Importance of Womanhood



What woman understands the definition of courage?  Who has experienced real hardship?  When life is put to the test, when wealth is stripped away, and love seems forsaken, would we still rise to the height of our calling?

Womanhood is an essential important factor in life.  Although we are more frail and weak than men, the strength of our hearts can overcome even the greatest obstacle; then we are strong.

Such a caliber of womanhood is unheard of today.  In a society where women are men and men are women, we don't see motherly and wifely zeal.  Wives and mothers are no longer wives and mothers.  Instead, they are smokers, drunk drivers, and workmen all rolled into one.  They aren't submissive unto man, and especially not unto God.  Most women don't even know what femininity is.  Have godly feminine women ceased to exist?



To find such aforesaid women, we have to jump back into the 1700's.  Our country (then only 13 English colonies) was in the midst of a war with Great Britain.  The Continental Congress was desperately struggling for the right principles to lead a new nation.  55 men signed the Declaration of Independence.  But what was happening behind the scenes?  On the home front, how were the families of these men living?  Were they living in peace, or did they sacrifice much?

The women of yesterday were strong, brave, proud, and ultimately courageous in all that they did.  They too sacrificed their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.  Many had to flee from house to house, always a step ahead of the British.  Many lost their homes, wealth, and livelihood.  Some even lost their lives.

Benjamin Rich, a signer of the Declaration, said this about America's women of that time:  "The women of America have at last become principals in the glorious American controversy.  Their opinions alone and their transcendent influence in society and families must lead us on to success and victory."   You see, the women didn't cower down in fear when they heard the tramp pf British feet or the thundering sound of cannons and musket fire.  They weren't "sissies."  Their lives and the lives of their families were at stake.  If the small 13 colonies had lost the War, the signers would have been hanged or beheaded.  As it was, during the War, their lives were forfeit.  What self-respecting women would wish such a cruel fate upon her husband?  That's why the women had to fight back.  They weren't wimpy crybabies.

Without firing musket, and without marching into battle, the women of colonial America did something even more valuable.  Their purpose was simple yet strong: to uphold the spirits of their men, support them in every action, take care of their families, love, honor, and obey till death did part them, and remain strong and passionate in the cause they were fighting for.  When they had to flee for refuge, when they kissed their husbands goodbye, not to see them for months upon months, when they prayed without ceasing...that took courage.  Yet one thing must remain clear: their courage came from Jesus Christ.

America would have lost the War if not for her faith and prayer.  God was with the little colonies, and eventually made them big and great states.  Everyone understood the power of prayer, which explains why George Washington would kneel down in the cold and snow of Valley Forge to cast his every care upon the Lord.



The women behind the Declaration of Independence are patriots not fully recognized by historians and people today.  If not for the women, the men would have fallen under the weight of all they had to bear.  However, the women readily shared the burden.  They weren't going to resign their posts, for they too longed for peace and freedom.  All they had to do was succeed.

David Barton said this:  "These women, although not pledging their "lives, fortunes, and sacred honor" in writing, nevertheless willingly sacrificed all for their country, their families, and their posterity.  We are that posterity, enjoying all the benefits of their sacrifices."

To recount the lives of each woman would be impossible. (For a summary, read Wives of the Signers, by Harry Clinton Green and Mary Wolcott Green.)  Each woman was important and took drastic steps toward freedom.  For example:

Mary Bartlett: forced to flee with her family from her burning home.

Elizabeth Adams: supported her family with needlework.

Elizabeth Lewis: imprisoned for months by the British, and suffered great hardships that eventually led her to her death.

Mary Morris: driven from her beautiful home.

Annis Stockton: homeless after the British burned her home.

Deborah Hart: driven from home, watched anxiously as her husband was hunted as a criminal, and finally died from exposure and anxiety.

There are countless others.  Take Abigail Adams for example, wife of John Adams, mother of John Quincy Adams, and the first lady of the White House.  She was constantly separated from her husband, yet she remained patriotic and cheerful.  She taught her young children at home, and wrote to her husband frequently.  She was strong in spirit and influential in life.

Every woman from that period deserves high praise for the sacrifices they made.  From their lives we see the pattern we are to follow.  Instead of following the world's model of "womanhood," we can learn better from the past.  Only, we have to realize one intrinsic detail.  It takes courage.


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

A Change in the Wind

Hello all my adoring fans and readers! (Hey, I can dream, can't I?)

My blog posts have been pretty sporadic over the year that I've been blogging.  Apparently I can't stick to a specific schedule.  I've tried that several times.  I know that I'm not rhetoric, but what would you, my loyal fans, like to hear from me? (Please don't tell me you'd rather I shut my big mouth...unless you really mean it.)  What would you like to gain from this blog?  My purpose is threefold: to help fellow brothers and sisters (as well as myself!), show forth God's glory, and to convince y'all that there's a dork out there who makes plenty of mistakes...just like you and everybody else.  There's only one thing - we can conquer those things, whether petty or considerable in size.  I want to be effective in what I do, but I need some feedback.

My random (and sometimes sloppy) writing style is going through some major changes. (I have several articles on the horizon, but don't expect too much too soon.)  I'm going to write more often (something I love to do, so it shouldn't be a problem. However, considering the business of life...we'll see.), and more worthwhile.  What are your major concerns?  What do you struggle with most?  What are your dreams, hopes, thoughts, and expectations for the future?  What are your tastes, passions, pursuits?  As for mine, they're practically endless.  We'll not go into them just right now.

What do young women struggle with the most?  That's easy: acceptance.  Many different things fall under that category.  But what about young men?  For that I haven't an answer. (After all, we are different.)  We all struggle with many things, but since God created us male and female, there are hundreds of differences between us.  Surely you've noticed that if your household contains each gender.

What are your worries relating to America?  Do you now fully realize that she is sinking steadily?  Do you see the Constitution being torn apart into little pieces by the ones who have sworn to uphold it?  That's too much irony for me.  What would our founding fathers say?

Every life has a different story.  Is it beautiful or mournfully lonely?  Is it overflowing with happiness or perhaps full of trials?  Is it a victory that overcomes the world?  Just like a writer struggles with different styles for each character, so we live day to day with different characteristics in our lives.  What's your story?

I'd love to hear from you anytime at rachel@covenantdevotion.com with questions, comments, or perhaps a word of encouragement.  Hey, I'd even welcome criticism! (Give it a try.)  Feedback could also help me decide what to write about.  I'm not saying that I'll have all the answers (heaven forbid!), but with lots of study, and principle help from our Lord Jesus Christ, the major issues of life can be fought and won!  "I have not yet begun to fight!" said John Paul Jones.  Let our words be the same.

Lord, we give this day to You,
Bless it - come what may.
Guide us in what e'er we do,
Love us day by day.

Lord, we lift our hands to You in praise,
Bless us - come what may.
Grasp us as to You our hearts we raise,
Love us day by day.

Although many issues in our day and age are desperately serious, hope also remains.  Jesus Christ has promised that one day all the kingdoms of this world will be the kingdoms of our Lord and of His Christ. (Revelation 11:15)  We don't know if America will be vanquished or not.  While hope remains, we are to fight and press on.  Christ will come out victorious in the end and all enemies will be His footstool.  Because we have something to live for, why not live?

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

God’s Surpassing Grace to Sinners

John Bunyan's spiritual struggle up through the younger years of his life is a considerably interesting subject.  His autobiography, Grace Abounding, is just the story of that struggle.

John Bunyan was born to a considerable poor family in England of neither fortune nor noble blood.  Although lacking in means, his parents were able to send him to school.  However, Bunyan himself said that he "lost" all that he had learned, showing that in his boyhood he cared naught for his education. 

Sadly, during those years of boyhood, Bunyan tells of his exceedingly wicked young heart.  A reckless and heedless youth, he had an impulse to swear, curse, lie, and blaspheme the name of God.  He said his heart had been "filled with all unrighteousness."  Bunyan said, “...so settled and rooted was I in these things, that they became as a second nature to me...”

During those dreadful young years, Bunyan tells of his "greatly afflicted and troubled" mind, tormented with dreams and thoughts of hellfire and damnation forever.

However, as time flew by, the dreams passed.  Bunyan erased such terrible memories from his mind, and lived "as if they had never been."  He admitted his transgressions in his book by saying that he became the ringleader "in all manner of vice and ungodliness."  Thoughts of religion were "very grievous" to him, and he put aside all manner of Christianity.  He wanted nothing to do with Jesus Christ.

But God wanted everything to do with him.  Twice Bunyan was saved from the dreadful fate of drowning, all by the merciful providential hand.  Nevertheless, through God's many acts of mercy, Bunyan continued in rebelliousness.

Soon after living a soldier's life for a time, Bunyan married a poor woman of godly ancestors.    He became influenced by some good books which had been her father's.  Slowly, the "religion of that time" crept into his life.  He went to church twice a day, yet held onto his wicked life.  Thereafter he was influenced by a poor, religious man to read the Bible.  He also began to follow the Ten Commandments—believing that his good works would earn his way to heaven.  He actually believed that he "pleased God as well as any man in England."  Yet he had "not Christ, nor grace, nor faith, nor hope."

The one day, a year later down the road, Bunyan listened to a conversation about the "new birth."  His curiosity was aroused, and his trust in his good works began to weaken.  He was greatly affected.  He began to believe he truly wasn’t a good man.  Something was missing in his life.  He had no ambition, no fulfillment, nor peace and rest.  Bunyan began to read and study.  He prayed diligently for the Lord to open his eyes to the truth, so that he might find the way.  Very soon his eyes were opened, and he began to read the Scriptures with new eyes.  He daily cried to God for guidance.  Faith, a new word to him, troubled his spirit.  Did he have faith?  His mind became confused with so many details.  Was he one of the elect of God?  Would he be called?  Could he ever attain peace and assurance?  Doubts littered his mind.

As time drew on, his mind became weary with his doubts and fears.  What if he wasn't one of the elect of which he read?  What would happen is he should not be called?  Deep despair entered his soul.  Dark, blasphemous thoughts continually betook his mind.  He felt utterly wretched and hopeless.

Yet, throughout it all, hope still remained.  Slowly Bunyan's mind began to understand more and more that salvation comes through Christ alone (John 14:6), not of good works (Ephesians 2:4-9), but of faith and repentance.  However, though Truth quietly spoke, his mind was still overcome with temptations, doubts, and sorrow.  He felt that peace would never come to quench his fiery spirit because of his heinous sins.  He believed himself to be the most miserable sinner.

Years passed.  Bunyan believed only damnation abode with him.  He was constantly "full of sorrow and guilt."  He believed he could no longer be pardoned, as he said, "I had sold my Saviour."

Bunyan struggled bitterly with his doubts.  His sins were too dreadful for Christ's forgiveness, so he thought. Through it all he searched, but wandered on hopelessly, believing all was lost.

As time, passed, Bunyan became like unto a scale, as he said, "sometimes up, and sometimes down."  Peace and trouble fought desperately.  He would believe the words "My grace is sufficient for thee," but then doubts would arise, and his heart would sink back into despair.  Again and again this would happen: quiet, then torment; torment, then peace.

Finally, however, even through anguish and terror, hope and peace finally broke through.  Bunyan began to realize that God's grace is all sufficient, and can cleanse all ungodliness.  As he daily searched the Scriptures and prayed, he found complete assurance in God's love.  Then was his heart filled with unspeakable joy.  Doubt was no longer an enemy, for Christ had washed away every conflict that had ever raged within his mind!  The wonder and the glory!

The time came when Bunyan was called to the ministry, six years after he had been fully "awakened."  At first he was skeptical, believing he wasn't worthy of so high an honor.  He didn’t think he had the eloquence or ability.  He wondered who would listen to him. But soon he came to the realization that he might have that gift after all.  Humbly he began to preach.

A few years went by.  Bunyan continued preaching to all who would listen.  At times, hundreds came to hear him preach the Word of God.  As he preached, he spoke boldly and truthfully.

His boldness and honesty brought about consequences.  After five years in the ministry, Bunyan was apprehended and sent to prison.  His accusers wanted to stop his preaching.  Therefore accusations of the like were made: Bunyan, "an upholder and maintainer of unlawful assemblies and conventions," would not conform "to the national worship of the church of England."  Because he would not "conform," Bunyan was sentenced to a "perpetual punishment."

Twelve years he spent in prison.  But as those weak and feeble minded might do, he did not lose all hope, or become bitterly discouraged.  He tried to remain content, though he "met with many turnings."  Sweet Scripture passages ministered unto him, and comforted his soul.  Then he would "laugh at destruction."

In 1688, Bunyan contacted a violent fever.  For ten days he struggled on, but his end on earth had come.  Sixty years had he lived upon the earth, and, even in his wicked youth, God had a pan for him.  He died on August 12, 1688.  He will be a man, and a Baptist preacher, reverently remembered forevermore.

His life's story had been one of triumph through trial.