Catching Up

Here I am once again, back after a long leave of absence.  I've missed my blogging and writing, but up till now I haven't had much of a chance to pursue this blog any further.  Of course, I've had time, but boosting up my energy levels has been pretty hard throughout my entire pregnancy, and especially of late.

I've almost reached the end of my pregnancy. Things are pretty different (and not to mention difficult). Ordinary, once-normal things like bending over to pick up something from the floor have become a major workout- and practically impossible.  A grocery trip is no longer a grocery trip.  Instead, it feels like a marathon.  And as for feet go (feet? what feet?! I don't remember what those are!), well...I've said enough about that.  I'm lucky just to get the dishes done and bed made in the morning before I doze off.  The activity of the feisty little girl inside me is enough to make all my energy fly out the window.

 

At lease, until a week or two ago. Now I'm practically bouncing off the walls in my anticipation.  At 37 weeks she was considered 'full-term,' and believe me, ever since then I've been going crazy, wondering each day if today was the day.  Unfortunately, here I am, a week and a half away from my due date, and still no baby.  I've scrubbed floors and the bathroom, did lots of laundry and all various aspects of housecleaning, and still no baby.  I've even ventured to climb a stairwell a...uh...few times (I was careful!).  Apparently she just isn't ready.

 

But, on a side note, that sweet baby girl, although she wakes me up in the middle of the night from movement or uncomfortable pain, is already the joy of my life.  Each day as I feel her move, it is the most amazing and humbling feeling in the world.  I have a baby growing inside me.

 

*whipsers in awe* I have a baby growing inside me.

 

Truly, each little (and not-so-little) kick, punch, stretch, roll, hiccup, kickpunchstretchrollhiccup, is definitely a little miracle of God, reminding me how blessed I am.  True, the not-so-fun side of pregnancy, including the morning sickness, stretchmarks, back pain, heartburn, weight gain, constant fatigue, uncomfortable nights of sleep (and no sleep), aching feet, and so forth, are a lot to deal with, but just the fact that I am the mother of a little girl soon-to-be-born, is so joyous, so unbelievabley amazing- the positive definitely outweighs the negative.

 

 

 

Even a baby who thinks that Mommy's bladder is her punching bag.  Forgive me if I have to run a few times as I write...I'll be right back.

 

Needless to say, life is a gift.  As I sit here and write, my laptop resting on my stomach and smiling as each baby-kick seems ready to pop right through my belly, I can't help but stop in wonder that soon, one day very soon (okay, okay, honestly, right now it doesn't feel like very soon!) my little girl will be resting in my arms, and I can hold her, snuggle with her, kiss her sweet cheeks, and love on her to my heart's content.  Sounds pretty good to me.

 

There is so much to accomplish in the next week and a half.  I can't wait until my life is jammed full of changing diapers, feedings, cuddling, baby baths, burpings, outfit changes five times a day, and all those fun baby moments, on top of all other homemaker duties there are.  There will be so much to do and I won't know what to do with myself.  Right now there is so much to do as well, but each new day that begins with good intentions usually ends up being just that- good intentions.  Over the past few weeks of my third trimester I felt like the only thing I got accomplished was eating and sleeping.  Imagine that.  So many women have told me that's just natural, and that I would get a boost of energy soon enough to get everything done before baby comes. I guess I've hit that stage now (not that the house is immaculate, but I feel like I've accomplished a lot).  The hospital bags have been packed for simply ages, the baby room is all prepared and waiting for the little one's arrival, and now thanks to the past few days, the house is in [almost] perfect order.  I've even added baked goods and a few meals to the freezer for good measure.  Yep, I am so ready.

 

 

 

So, for the time being, I'm just going to enjoy getting all this rest (from what I'm told, there won't be much time for it later).  Although the waiting is excruciating, I'm just going to enjoy feeling my baby kick and move around inside me, for it won't be long until I'll be missing that feeling.  For now, Little One, although Mommy and Daddy are eagerly awaiting your arrival, we will [try] to wait patiently for God's timing.  We know you are going to brighten our lives with your "ooh's" and "ahh's" and baby gurgles soon enough...but it isn't soon enough for us.  We're going to shower you with so much love you won't know what to do with it all.  You've been long awaited, and long expected.  Darling wee baby, you're going to fill our lives with so much joy!

I really can't wait to hold my baby.

When Dreams Come True

"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, 

and obtaineth favor of the LORD." ~Proverbs 18:22

"To be a mother and homemaker and an environmental expert in designing a place for the particular blend of people which will be your family—to grow and develop—is an amazing possibility. To be at the same time a wife and a companion, an interesting, growing, changing, developing person in the eyes of the man you married—not for just two years nor twelve nor twenty nor thirty, but forty and fifty years—is an added portion of this career." ~Edith Schaeffer

Right now I'd say that my foremost wish (besides wanting to glorify God in all that I do) is to get married.  Yeah, that little-girl-dream all girls have.  Not because I want to escape the evil clutches of a tyrannical life at home, not because I want my woman's independence, not because I dislike being a daughter at home, but because I want to have a husband to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, to do his laundry, clean his house, make his meals, cook him scrumptious desserts, run to him and jump into his arms every day when he gets home from work, read a good book with him in bed, sneak chocolate and ice cream under the covers and giggle like secretive ten-year-olds, go walking in the park while holding hands and maybe even stop at the swing set, fall asleep on his shoulder under the stars on our front porch and have him carry me to bed, have him look deeply in my eyes and tell me how much he adores me as he whispers of my beauty (big imagination here), go on adventurous, romantic escapades, have our own candlelight dinners at home, give birth to his children, and on and on my simple list goes.

 

Okay.  I admit I have too many stars in my eyes.

 

Guess I forget to mention the countless times he will track muddy boots into the just-sparkling-clean house, the disagreements and arguments (hopefully those will be few and far in-between!), the time he will go to pick me up and drops me of all things (slow down on the chocolate, Rachel!), his grumpy mood after a long and tedious day at work, the nights he doesn't want to snuggle but goes right to sleep (bummer), the food I scorch, the times he is late coming home, my irritable moods, my impatience with the children when they are being too noisy in their play, the squalling baby who keeps me up every hour of the night, the day the washing and drying machine breaks down, the time I eat onions and he doesn't want to kiss me ("what's up with that, Honey?!"), the tears of frustration, the times when nothing in the house seems to stay clean,  and on and on this list can go.

 

It's a crazy world.  One moment we are living on the high of new love, and the next we are back to reality.  No worries.  That doesn't damper my desire to get married.  The good definitely far outweighs the bad.  Sometimes the cost is great, but the reward is just so much greater!

But because my aspiration to get married is greatly elevated, discontentment tends to seep into my life in paramount abundance.  Especially the older I grow.  God, my longing is too much to bear!  Marry me off soon...please?

 

Oh yes, I absolutely want to get married (and God, as a side note, soon...ahem...whenever You think best would be preferable!), but many times I approach my desire for marriage with the wrong attitude.  I'm telling God I know better concerning when I should get married, instead of submitting to His will.  Marriage is viewed with my two hungry eyes, regarding it as some earthly heavenly state more privileged than the one I'm in.  Not so.

 

Of course, as many married women can attest I'm sure, there is nothing compared to living with the love of your life, taking care of him, and all the benefits of marriage, but we unmarried gals still have a lot to learn that they already know.  Those married women already know that marriage isn't a bed of roses every day, every minute of the day (as wonderful as a bed of roses sounds).  There are problems to deal with, just as there are problems to deal with before we get married.

Oh well.  Life is life.  Life always have problems.  I for one am willing to take the problems with my dreams.  Dreams do come true, if you can recall Cinderella's story from back when you were five.  Maybe not in the fanciful fairytale Hollywood version of love, but dreams can become reality.  I know my dream to get married will come true one day, but in God's timing.  I simply have to trust Him with that epoch in my life.  I can feel the bliss just thinking about it...

 

If you think about it, dreams really do come true—the right kind of dreams that is.  Our dreams, hopes, desires, and expectations for the future must become God's desires (Psalm 37:4-5).  Only then will they come to pass.  We must give up ourselves completely to the will of God.  But guess what?  We will have a much more wonderful life because of it!  He will give us the desires of our hearts, because we will desire what God has in store for us—what He deems best.

When dreams come true.  It sounds like a fairytale.  Life is a fairytale of sorts sometimes, mixed with a heavy dose of realism and life (i.e. sin, fallen man, and the chore of daily living).  After all, life can't be all bliss and pleasure; life always has thorns with its roses.  Nevertheless, God is working all things for our good (Romans 8:28), and we should always remember that God's good is much better than our best.

 

 So I'll keep dreaming.  While living in the here and now.   One day my dreams will come true and I'll get to wear a fancy white dress and a veil with flowers in my hair and walk down the aisle on Daddy's arm to the man of my dreams who will be waiting at the alter. 

 

And I can hardly wait.

Living The Impossible

2010 has closed its door; 2011 has opened another.  This means God has not forsaken us, but has given us another chance at life, and another chance to live wholly for His glory.  Let's look at "living for God's glory" a moment.  1 Corinthians 10:31 says, "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." We may smile and nod our heads in righteous piety, but do we take this verse at its fullest context?  "I pray before I eat," we may say triumphantly.  Apparently we forgot to read the remainder of the verse.  You've heard that the Bible applies to every area of life?  This verse could sum it up.  Man's chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever, exactly what this verse is reminding us.   "Whatsoever ye do" doesn't mean whatever we feel like doing or whatever we want to do - it is everything.  That means how we treat our siblings, honor our parents, the music we listen to, the movies we watch, the books we read, the words we say, our attitudes, our thoughts, even the simplest chores around the house.  We want to do something big, however.  Some of us may be willing to face the jungles of Africa or the communist hostility in China, but no one wants to wield a toilet scrubber and face a dirty bathroom.  Or, we may want to work in a big company for fame, recognition, money, or even just to make a difference, but who wants to help their father in his vision and business, especially if it is small and unnoticed?  We would gloriously die on the mission field, but we don't want to live contentedly at home. We take Paul's words in Philippians 1:21 a little too far.  Sure, to die is gain for Christ.

Daughters at home can get a little discouraged sometimes.  Okay, maybe very discouraged (more than sometimes).  This is dangerous- very dangerous - because the world begins to look inviting.  We must not fall into that trap!  Daily routine becomes monotonous. Because of our restlessness and discontentment, we are grumpy, moody, and liable to be snappish.  The truth of the matter is that we are not happy with our position, and we don't want to glorify God in everything.

I'm not one for making New Year's resolutions.  I never have been.  Anything I might have "promised" myself in the past always ended in disaster, such as waking up every morning with a smile on my lips and a song in my heart.  It's always the impossible with me.  I might want to be completely loving, always honoring my parents, never quarreling [much] with my siblings, always having the right attitude in every situation, being a servant, daily displaying the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22,23), and on and on and on the list goes.  Call me crazy, but I'm a perfectionist.

Mark 10:27 and Luke 1:37; 18: 27 say the same thing: with God nothing is impossible.  So we think that, while glorifying God in the home, everything should be practically unproblematic.  We want the easy life.  Yet, if everything was easy and breezy, where would satisfaction come in?  Our character would never be strengthened, our patience would never be tried, and we would never receive a "well done" from our Master.  Life wouldn't be life without difficulty.  There would be no triumph over trials and no ultimate glory in the end.  We would be lazy good-for-nothings.

Again we take a verse out of context (many times we do this to fit our preferences, ironically).  We as infallible human beings cannot be perfect!   Everything is impossible with us because we cannot do good. (Romans 3:10; 3:23; 7:15; Isaiah 64:6)   Therefore we shouldn't expect a miracle every morning (especially at 7:00 a.m.).  However, this also doesn't mean we have the right to be a snappy grump.  Titus 2:3-5 exhorts women of all ages to be holy, temperate, loving, discreet, good, and obedient - showing us a pattern of good works.   I know from experience how hard it is to be kind and patient.  But that doesn't give us the license to be mean, cross, and irritable.  To develop a good relationship with family and friends we have to be considerate, helpful, understanding, and attentive.  If not, bitterness and strife will cause pain because of rejection.   Again, speaking from experience, people will want to completely ignore you if you haven't the right attitude.  Everyone finds irksome people a chore to get along with.  True love will find a way, however, even amongst faults. (1 Corinthians 13)

With a whole new year ahead of us, just waiting for us to taste the delicious delights pending over the horizon, we shouldn't expect the impossible.  Instead, cultivate joy and contentment even in the smallest of things.  People will be happier, and the atmosphere so much more pleasant.  Because God in His mercy and grace has given us another chance, we ought to look forward with bright eyes and a rapidly beating heart.  Only God knows what lies ahead, but we can be sure it will be something grand as long as we walk in His footsteps.

Living the impossible...
For the Crown Rights of Jesus Christ
Soli Deo Gloria!
For Christ's Crown and Covenant

"Thy Will Be Done"

I've decided not to get married.

At least not yet.

My charming little sister Clara once told me, "I'm glad you're not married.  I hope you never get married...at least not yet."  Boy did I feel loved!  As much as a young woman cannot wait to get married, right then and there I didn't want to.  I often long for the day when I will have a home of my own to care for, children to nurture, and a husband to love.  But if I miss the golden years at home, what will I gain in the future marriage years?  If I take these years for granted, who is to say I won't do the same later on?


Let's just say it's not easy accepting someone else's will other than our own.  We're selfish, and usually we will admit it in a not-so-subtle way.  We want what we want, and sometimes we will do anything to get our way.  We are kind of like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum because he wants something.  He will scream and kick his little legs, and do just about anything to get his way.  If his mother is too soft and lenient, she will eventually give in to his whims, instead of administering the whipping he really deserves.  We are that way with God many times.  We'll fight back because we want our way.  Why is it so hard to say "Thy will be done"?

“A great many Christians actually seem to think that all their Father in heaven wants is a chance to make them miserable, and to take away all their blessings, and they imagine, poor souls, that if they hold on to things in their own will, they can hinder Him from doing this. I am shamed to write the words, and yet we must face a fact, which is making wretched hundreds of lives.

"A Christian lady who had this feeling, was once expressing to a friend how impossible she found it to say, 'Thy will be done,' and how afraid she should be to do it.  She was the mother of one little boy, who was the heir to a great fortune, and the idol of her heart.

"After she had stated her difficulties fully, her friend said, 'Suppose your little Charley should come running to you tomorrow and say, 'Mother, I have made up my mind to let you have your own way with me from this time forward.  I am always going to obey you, and I want you to do just whatever you think best with me.  I know you love me, and I am going to trust myself to your love.'  How would you feel toward him?  Would you say to yourself, 'Ah, now I shall take away all his pleasures, and fill his life with every hard and disagreeable thing I can find.  I will compel him to do just the things that are the most difficult for him to do and will give him all sorts of impossible commands.'  'Oh, no, no, no!' exclaimed the indignant mother.  'You know I would not.  You know I would hug him to my heart and cover him with kisses, and would hasten to fill his life with all that was sweetest and best.'   'And are you more tender and more loving than God?' asked her friend.  'Ah, no,' was the reply, 'I see my mistake, and I will not be afraid of saying 'Thy will be done, to my Heavenly Father, any more than I would want my Charley to be afraid of saying it to me.'"  (Excerpted from The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life, by Hannah Whitall Smith)

There's not just one aspect of life we are afraid of committing wholly to God.  We are scared over the smallest things.  We want a good and happy life, but we also want the things we want.  What we don't realize is that we will have the best life when we submit to God's will.  Most people have a false conception of God's will.  God is angry at wickedness, but He is loving and just toward those who follow and serve Him in obedience.  He isn't out to get us, or to take away every earthly and spiritual blessing.  Amazingly enough, He only wants what is best for us. (1 Peter 5:7; 2 Corinthians 8:9; 1 Corinthians 2:9)  We miss out on the best years of our lives by worrying about unnecessary things.  If we would only trust God, how much happier and blessed we would be!

We can't just submit one area of our life to God; we have to give him everything, including our hopes, dreams, and expectations for the future.  It's not an unachievable feat.  Just think of how much more peace we could have.  All those worry wrinkles would disappear.

Look at submission this way.  We find it hard to submit to our parents.  As we get older, we want more responsibility and freedom from authority. (That's our human rebelliousness working.)  If we are unwilling to accept God's will, we will most assuredly be unwilling to accept human authority.  If a young woman in the home will not accept her father's authority, she will not accept her husband's later on in life.  She may think that a different life would be better, but if we are not faithful in small things, we certainly will not be faithful in the bigger ones.  If we antagonize our siblings, we'll antagonize our children.   If we disrespect our parents, how could we be ready for a faithful commitment to marriage with a partner we are to respect "till death" do us part?   We would blow it, just like we did in our teenage years.

If we find it hard to accept human authority, how much more harder it is to accept God's will!  But why?  Why do we have such a problem?  All we are doing is making each situation difficult.  It does not have to be that way.  When we realize that man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, and that God wants only what is best for us (because everything is to bring Him glory -Revelation 4:11), then we can begin to say without hesitance "Thy will be done."

Yes, I plan on getting married someday (if it is the Lord's will.)  However, for now I'll accept God's plan for commitment in the home and accept whatever He brings my way.  We have a cheerful heart only when we submit to God's will.  I'll be content in the home.

The Importance of Womanhood

What woman understands the definition of courage?  Who has experienced real hardship?  When life is put to the test, when wealth is stripped away, and love seems forsaken, would we still rise to the height of our calling?

Womanhood is an essential important factor in life.  Although we are more frail and weak than men, the strength of our hearts can overcome even the greatest obstacle; then we are strong.

Such a caliber of womanhood is unheard of today.  In a society where women are men and men are women, we don't see motherly and wifely zeal.  Wives and mothers are no longer wives and mothers.  Instead, they are smokers, drunk drivers, and workmen all rolled into one.  They aren't submissive unto man, and especially not unto God.  Most women don't even know what femininity is.  Have godly feminine women ceased to exist?

To find such aforesaid women, we have to jump back into the 1700's.  Our country (then only 13 English colonies) was in the midst of a war with Great Britain.  The Continental Congress was desperately struggling for the right principles to lead a new nation.  55 men signed the Declaration of Independence.  But what was happening behind the scenes?  On the home front, how were the families of these men living?  Were they living in peace, or did they sacrifice much?

The women of yesterday were strong, brave, proud, and ultimately courageous in all that they did.  They too sacrificed their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.  Many had to flee from house to house, always a step ahead of the British.  Many lost their homes, wealth, and livelihood.  Some even lost their lives.

Benjamin Rich, a signer of the Declaration, said this about America's women of that time:  "The women of America have at last become principals in the glorious American controversy.  Their opinions alone and their transcendent influence in society and families must lead us on to success and victory."   You see, the women didn't cower down in fear when they heard the tramp pf British feet or the thundering sound of cannons and musket fire.  They weren't "sissies."  Their lives and the lives of their families were at stake.  If the small 13 colonies had lost the War, the signers would have been hanged or beheaded.  As it was, during the War, their lives were forfeit.  What self-respecting women would wish such a cruel fate upon her husband?  That's why the women had to fight back.  They weren't wimpy crybabies.

Without firing musket, and without marching into battle, the women of colonial America did something even more valuable.  Their purpose was simple yet strong: to uphold the spirits of their men, support them in every action, take care of their families, love, honor, and obey till death did part them, and remain strong and passionate in the cause they were fighting for.  When they had to flee for refuge, when they kissed their husbands goodbye, not to see them for months upon months, when they prayed without ceasing...that took courage.  Yet one thing must remain clear: their courage came from Jesus Christ.

America would have lost the War if not for her faith and prayer.  God was with the little colonies, and eventually made them big and great states.  Everyone understood the power of prayer, which explains why George Washington would kneel down in the cold and snow of Valley Forge to cast his every care upon the Lord.

The women behind the Declaration of Independence are patriots not fully recognized by historians and people today.  If not for the women, the men would have fallen under the weight of all they had to bear.  However, the women readily shared the burden.  They weren't going to resign their posts, for they too longed for peace and freedom.  All they had to do was succeed.

David Barton said this:  "These women, although not pledging their "lives, fortunes, and sacred honor" in writing, nevertheless willingly sacrificed all for their country, their families, and their posterity.  We are that posterity, enjoying all the benefits of their sacrifices."

To recount the lives of each woman would be impossible. (For a summary, read Wives of the Signers, by Harry Clinton Green and Mary Wolcott Green.)  Each woman was important and took drastic steps toward freedom.  For example:

Mary Bartlett: forced to flee with her family from her burning home.

Elizabeth Adams: supported her family with needlework.

Elizabeth Lewis: imprisoned for months by the British, and suffered great hardships that eventually led her to her death.

Mary Morris: driven from her beautiful home.

Annis Stockton: homeless after the British burned her home.

Deborah Hart: driven from home, watched anxiously as her husband was hunted as a criminal, and finally died from exposure and anxiety.

There are countless others.  Take Abigail Adams for example, wife of John Adams, mother of John Quincy Adams, and the first lady of the White House.  She was constantly separated from her husband, yet she remained patriotic and cheerful.  She taught her young children at home, and wrote to her husband frequently.  She was strong in spirit and influential in life.

Every woman from that period deserves high praise for the sacrifices they made.  From their lives we see the pattern we are to follow.  Instead of following the world's model of "womanhood," we can learn better from the past.  Only, we have to realize one intrinsic detail.  It takes courage.

The Responsibility

(Scene One) I gazed critically at the dirty sink.  How could it have came to this? I groaned inwardly.

The day was Saturday,  our major weekly cleaning day.  Of course, the house gets cleaned during the week, but Saturday is major.  Saturday gets us ready and prepared for the Lord's day; plus, after a full week, the house tends to be dirty, if even in some spots more than others.

The kids' bathroom was dirty.

(Scene Two) This time I groaned aloud.  Again I gazed upon a dirty sink, filled to overflowing with dishes.

This scene could not be helped.  The day was Monday.  Every Monday the sink is full of dishes.  This particular week happened to be mine.  Dishes piled atop each other, all encrusted with food.  The dishwasher was full as well.  All the dishes smelled like yesterdays meals. (what's with the irony?)

I felt pretty discouraged.   

Ok, let's say I felt pretty angry.

I do NOT want to deal with all this! I cried to myself.  

I wanted to hurry through it all and be done.  Oh to be done!  But no, I had that responsibility.  Did I want to prove myself to be mature, or a little baby who couldn't handle a sink full of dishes?

Dishes are a small responsibility compared to other things.  But it is still a responsibility.  How many times do we hurriedly skip over things just to be done so we can do our own thing?  Is that a premonition of what we will do when we have our own home to tend?  Our own children to take care of?  I most assuredly would not want my husband coming in from a long day at work to a dirty house, unkempt children, laundry everywhere, dishes piled high, beds unmade, etc. etc.  I will want to have an orderly and clean house that I wouldn't be ashamed of.

But, too many times I do not have things in order.  Either I hurriedly do the job, or don't do it altogether.  Shamefully I admit.  I'd rather be off, doing what I please.  That is not maturity.  That is not responsibility.

What does it say about the Proverbs 31 woman?  "She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness." (verse 27)  

As keepers of the home we are not be idle and lazy, only doing what pleases us. (yes, let me tell you there is some housework that is not pleasing.)  We are to be good stewards.  That means we are to put others first, clean that toilet even-though-it-seems-to-be-the-most-disgusting-thing-EVER, do that laundry, wash those dishes, make those beds, clean those rooms, vacuum and sweep those those dirty floors.  "A man works from sun to sun, but a woman's work is never done."  (Don't know where that comes from, but it is funny nonetheless.)

I am so irresponsible many times.  But I want to thought of as accountable, not shiftless and lazy.  I don't want my years to be wasted with laziness.  So from now on, I will try to act responsible.  The Proverbs 31 woman in the Bible is the best example we can imitate. (oh, did I mention my mom as well?)

By the way, in the end, I did my part faithfully and washed all those dishes.  In the end, it was a real pleasure to see a clean and tidy kitchen.