Zero Tolerance

"For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry." -1 Samuel 15:25a


Rebellion is nothing new to mankind.  God has had to deal with man's rebellion ever since Adam and Eve's sin in the garden of Eden, the Israelites in the wilderness, up to 21st century Christians of today.  It is a never-ending story, for there is nothing new under the sun (Eccl. 1:9).  For this cause, every parent has had to deal with the same willful clash of subordinate despising authority: the stubborn, defiant child resisting the parents' authority (i.e. submission crisis).


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When Dreams Come True

"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, 

and obtaineth favor of the LORD." ~Proverbs 18:22

"To be a mother and homemaker and an environmental expert in designing a place for the particular blend of people which will be your family—to grow and develop—is an amazing possibility. To be at the same time a wife and a companion, an interesting, growing, changing, developing person in the eyes of the man you married—not for just two years nor twelve nor twenty nor thirty, but forty and fifty years—is an added portion of this career." ~Edith Schaeffer

Right now I'd say that my foremost wish (besides wanting to glorify God in all that I do) is to get married.  Yeah, that little-girl-dream all girls have.  Not because I want to escape the evil clutches of a tyrannical life at home, not because I want my woman's independence, not because I dislike being a daughter at home, but because I want to have a husband to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, to do his laundry, clean his house, make his meals, cook him scrumptious desserts, run to him and jump into his arms every day when he gets home from work, read a good book with him in bed, sneak chocolate and ice cream under the covers and giggle like secretive ten-year-olds, go walking in the park while holding hands and maybe even stop at the swing set, fall asleep on his shoulder under the stars on our front porch and have him carry me to bed, have him look deeply in my eyes and tell me how much he adores me as he whispers of my beauty (big imagination here), go on adventurous, romantic escapades, have our own candlelight dinners at home, give birth to his children, and on and on my simple list goes.

 

Okay.  I admit I have too many stars in my eyes.

 

Guess I forget to mention the countless times he will track muddy boots into the just-sparkling-clean house, the disagreements and arguments (hopefully those will be few and far in-between!), the time he will go to pick me up and drops me of all things (slow down on the chocolate, Rachel!), his grumpy mood after a long and tedious day at work, the nights he doesn't want to snuggle but goes right to sleep (bummer), the food I scorch, the times he is late coming home, my irritable moods, my impatience with the children when they are being too noisy in their play, the squalling baby who keeps me up every hour of the night, the day the washing and drying machine breaks down, the time I eat onions and he doesn't want to kiss me ("what's up with that, Honey?!"), the tears of frustration, the times when nothing in the house seems to stay clean,  and on and on this list can go.

 

It's a crazy world.  One moment we are living on the high of new love, and the next we are back to reality.  No worries.  That doesn't damper my desire to get married.  The good definitely far outweighs the bad.  Sometimes the cost is great, but the reward is just so much greater!

But because my aspiration to get married is greatly elevated, discontentment tends to seep into my life in paramount abundance.  Especially the older I grow.  God, my longing is too much to bear!  Marry me off soon...please?

 

Oh yes, I absolutely want to get married (and God, as a side note, soon...ahem...whenever You think best would be preferable!), but many times I approach my desire for marriage with the wrong attitude.  I'm telling God I know better concerning when I should get married, instead of submitting to His will.  Marriage is viewed with my two hungry eyes, regarding it as some earthly heavenly state more privileged than the one I'm in.  Not so.

 

Of course, as many married women can attest I'm sure, there is nothing compared to living with the love of your life, taking care of him, and all the benefits of marriage, but we unmarried gals still have a lot to learn that they already know.  Those married women already know that marriage isn't a bed of roses every day, every minute of the day (as wonderful as a bed of roses sounds).  There are problems to deal with, just as there are problems to deal with before we get married.

Oh well.  Life is life.  Life always have problems.  I for one am willing to take the problems with my dreams.  Dreams do come true, if you can recall Cinderella's story from back when you were five.  Maybe not in the fanciful fairytale Hollywood version of love, but dreams can become reality.  I know my dream to get married will come true one day, but in God's timing.  I simply have to trust Him with that epoch in my life.  I can feel the bliss just thinking about it...

 

If you think about it, dreams really do come true—the right kind of dreams that is.  Our dreams, hopes, desires, and expectations for the future must become God's desires (Psalm 37:4-5).  Only then will they come to pass.  We must give up ourselves completely to the will of God.  But guess what?  We will have a much more wonderful life because of it!  He will give us the desires of our hearts, because we will desire what God has in store for us—what He deems best.

When dreams come true.  It sounds like a fairytale.  Life is a fairytale of sorts sometimes, mixed with a heavy dose of realism and life (i.e. sin, fallen man, and the chore of daily living).  After all, life can't be all bliss and pleasure; life always has thorns with its roses.  Nevertheless, God is working all things for our good (Romans 8:28), and we should always remember that God's good is much better than our best.

 

 So I'll keep dreaming.  While living in the here and now.   One day my dreams will come true and I'll get to wear a fancy white dress and a veil with flowers in my hair and walk down the aisle on Daddy's arm to the man of my dreams who will be waiting at the alter. 

 

And I can hardly wait.

Just What My Big Idea Is...

Just so that there isn't anyone confused about my big idea...

My topic will be dealing with the issue of brothers and sisters.  You know, why we can't get along, what the Bible has to say about sibling relationships, what the answers are to problems in the home, how we can actually like our siblings, all the trouble little brothers and sisters cause...

Oops.  Okay, all the trouble that oldests can cause too.

I know that there is already a tremendous book out there on the market, but because we can't have too much material on the subject (especially from different perspectives, and I have a good one with seven siblings)—and there isn't much to choose from anyway—I have been urged and propelled forward by my parents with a "go ahead" sign.  Or rather, "go ahead" words.  Anyway, there you have it.  My big idea.  Pretty big indeed.  So far things are looking good, but how can I say that when I know how critical I am of my own writings?  Well, okay, going good in the aspect that at least I'm finding things to write about.

On a serious note, I have determined to make this journey (let's call it a quest) one that will transform my relationships with my siblings.  I'm tired of the sub-par standard of just trying to get along.  It isn't enough any more, and it hasn't satisfied through the years.  As I grow older I see the damage I have caused in the lives of my siblings, and I don't want to live with the regret that I didn't fix the problem when I had a chance.  What are oldest sisters for (or brothers for that matter)?  So this book is a really a test of myself: do I have enough courage and fortitude to admit when I'm wrong, correct my mistakes, and press on toward making my siblings my best friends—truly?  For I genuinely want to be their best friend, and they to be mine.  But there are many bitter roots to weed out first.  Mostly from the deeds that I have done, because, after all, I am the oldest siblings who is the example (once I hated my mom constantly telling me that I was the example to the rest of my siblings, but just as it can be used for bad, it can definitely be used for good).

Pray for me as I write.  Pray for me as I attempt and resolve and conquer the obstacles before me.  I want to be able to persevere at the end of this book and say with all honestly, "My siblings are my best friends."  Of course, I may have many good outside friends, but I want my siblings to be my best friends.  Forever and ever.  Just like Anne and Diana in Anne of Green Gables.  They were inseparable.  They did everything together.  They shared secrets, passions, pursuits, hopes, dreams, ideals, expectations and thoughts for the future, fears, likes and dislikes, and spent all of their time together, from when they were little girls until they grew up.  Though they had other friends, they were the best of bosom friends.  That is how I want my siblings and I to be.

Just a summary so you don't leave my blog with a perplexed look.  Then again, you still might.  At least I tried.

"Thy Will Be Done"

I've decided not to get married.

At least not yet.

My charming little sister Clara once told me, "I'm glad you're not married.  I hope you never get married...at least not yet."  Boy did I feel loved!  As much as a young woman cannot wait to get married, right then and there I didn't want to.  I often long for the day when I will have a home of my own to care for, children to nurture, and a husband to love.  But if I miss the golden years at home, what will I gain in the future marriage years?  If I take these years for granted, who is to say I won't do the same later on?


Let's just say it's not easy accepting someone else's will other than our own.  We're selfish, and usually we will admit it in a not-so-subtle way.  We want what we want, and sometimes we will do anything to get our way.  We are kind of like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum because he wants something.  He will scream and kick his little legs, and do just about anything to get his way.  If his mother is too soft and lenient, she will eventually give in to his whims, instead of administering the whipping he really deserves.  We are that way with God many times.  We'll fight back because we want our way.  Why is it so hard to say "Thy will be done"?

“A great many Christians actually seem to think that all their Father in heaven wants is a chance to make them miserable, and to take away all their blessings, and they imagine, poor souls, that if they hold on to things in their own will, they can hinder Him from doing this. I am shamed to write the words, and yet we must face a fact, which is making wretched hundreds of lives.

"A Christian lady who had this feeling, was once expressing to a friend how impossible she found it to say, 'Thy will be done,' and how afraid she should be to do it.  She was the mother of one little boy, who was the heir to a great fortune, and the idol of her heart.

"After she had stated her difficulties fully, her friend said, 'Suppose your little Charley should come running to you tomorrow and say, 'Mother, I have made up my mind to let you have your own way with me from this time forward.  I am always going to obey you, and I want you to do just whatever you think best with me.  I know you love me, and I am going to trust myself to your love.'  How would you feel toward him?  Would you say to yourself, 'Ah, now I shall take away all his pleasures, and fill his life with every hard and disagreeable thing I can find.  I will compel him to do just the things that are the most difficult for him to do and will give him all sorts of impossible commands.'  'Oh, no, no, no!' exclaimed the indignant mother.  'You know I would not.  You know I would hug him to my heart and cover him with kisses, and would hasten to fill his life with all that was sweetest and best.'   'And are you more tender and more loving than God?' asked her friend.  'Ah, no,' was the reply, 'I see my mistake, and I will not be afraid of saying 'Thy will be done, to my Heavenly Father, any more than I would want my Charley to be afraid of saying it to me.'"  (Excerpted from The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life, by Hannah Whitall Smith)

There's not just one aspect of life we are afraid of committing wholly to God.  We are scared over the smallest things.  We want a good and happy life, but we also want the things we want.  What we don't realize is that we will have the best life when we submit to God's will.  Most people have a false conception of God's will.  God is angry at wickedness, but He is loving and just toward those who follow and serve Him in obedience.  He isn't out to get us, or to take away every earthly and spiritual blessing.  Amazingly enough, He only wants what is best for us. (1 Peter 5:7; 2 Corinthians 8:9; 1 Corinthians 2:9)  We miss out on the best years of our lives by worrying about unnecessary things.  If we would only trust God, how much happier and blessed we would be!

We can't just submit one area of our life to God; we have to give him everything, including our hopes, dreams, and expectations for the future.  It's not an unachievable feat.  Just think of how much more peace we could have.  All those worry wrinkles would disappear.

Look at submission this way.  We find it hard to submit to our parents.  As we get older, we want more responsibility and freedom from authority. (That's our human rebelliousness working.)  If we are unwilling to accept God's will, we will most assuredly be unwilling to accept human authority.  If a young woman in the home will not accept her father's authority, she will not accept her husband's later on in life.  She may think that a different life would be better, but if we are not faithful in small things, we certainly will not be faithful in the bigger ones.  If we antagonize our siblings, we'll antagonize our children.   If we disrespect our parents, how could we be ready for a faithful commitment to marriage with a partner we are to respect "till death" do us part?   We would blow it, just like we did in our teenage years.

If we find it hard to accept human authority, how much more harder it is to accept God's will!  But why?  Why do we have such a problem?  All we are doing is making each situation difficult.  It does not have to be that way.  When we realize that man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, and that God wants only what is best for us (because everything is to bring Him glory -Revelation 4:11), then we can begin to say without hesitance "Thy will be done."

Yes, I plan on getting married someday (if it is the Lord's will.)  However, for now I'll accept God's plan for commitment in the home and accept whatever He brings my way.  We have a cheerful heart only when we submit to God's will.  I'll be content in the home.

"Train up a child in the way he should go..."

                                               ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Drew! Drew, where are you?"  

Drew snickered quietly.  His little five-year-old body was wedged underneath his bed, hidden by the mess which was littered all around him.

"Drew!"  His mother's voice became more austere.  "Come to me this instant.  You'll be in big trouble if you don't come right now."

Footsteps sounded in the hallway and entered his bedroom.  "Look at this mess!"  She kicked a ball out of her way.  "Drew, come out now."  The command in her voice almost made him give in.  No.  He shook his head defiantly, almost bumping against the wall.

Achoo!   Drew clamped his hand over his mouth, eyes wide and frightened.  His mother's face appeared.

"You're in big trouble, young man."

Drew slowly crawled out from underneath the bed.  His eyes were downcast and his body slumped.

"Why didn't you come when I called?"

Drew gulped.  "Because I didn't want to,"  he whispered, tears gathering in his eyes.  His guilty conscience told him he had done wrong.

"Okay son, you know what to do."

Drew nodded glumly.  He walked into the living room and found the wooden spoon.  He eyed his enemy warily.  If only he could show it how much pain it inflicted!  Oh, he'd show it good!

He plodded back to his room and handed his mother the spoon.  He bent over, resolutely.

"Drew,"  his mother's voice was gentle.  "You knew the punishment if you disobeyed."

One. Two. Three. Four.

Drew winced as the tears fell down his cheeks.  He turned and looked into his mother's loving eyes.

"Next time, come immediately when I call, understand?  Remember what the Bible says, 'Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.'"

Drew nodded as he wiped the tears from his eyes.  He hesitated and bit his lip.  Suddenly, he threw his arms around his mother.  "I'm sorry, Mommy!"

His mother held him tightly.  "I love you, Son, that is why I must punish you.  The Bible commands parents to do so.  One day you will understand."

Drew buried his face in her neck.  "I love you too, Mommy! he whispered.

                                                                   ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 "My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of His correction: for whom the LORD loveth He correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth."  ~Proverbs 3:11,12

Raising children can be tedious, I'm sure.  However, as I have yet to experience it myself, I cannot properly say.  I do come from a family of eight children, so I've experienced the opposite.

All I know is from my parents' example and what I've read in the Bible.  I know that "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." (Proverbs 13:25)

The Word of God tells us plainly:  "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying."  ~Proverbs 19:18

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."  ~Proverbs 22:6

"Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."  ~Proverbs 23:13,14

Not to make a mistake here.  This does not give parents the right to continually beat their children on a daily basis.  Punishment for disobedience and sin is one thing; continued beatings just because the parent may be a bully is another.  A true parent is someone who has the best interest of their children at heart, like God does with His children.  Punishment is necessary for correction, not to satisfy a parent's anger.  Love is to rule over all. (1 Corinthians 13)

There are three extremes: those that rule in anger and force, those that rule in love and correction, and those that rule in indulgence.  Those who rule in anger take punishment to the extreme, acting as if their children were a curse.  Those who rule in love follow the Bible's commands to train up a child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

But then there are those who rule in indulgence.  They don't believe in "corporal punishment."  The very idea of whipping a child horrifies them.  The very idea!  Therefore their children are wild, ungrateful brats (literally) who know how to get their own selfish way.  Their parents then sit back and wonder "what else can we do? We've given them all they want, we've never used the rod, what else can we do?" (what about giving them a sound thrashing?)  They even come to admit that their children are devil terrors.  Parents are to be firm, yet loving, but they most assuredly are not to leave their children on their own.

If parents knew how to control their kids, if they would only follow the Bible's wisdom, the home could once again become a state of self-control, not wild and rambunctious.

"The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."  ~ Proverbs 29:15

                                                          ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Drew grew up to be a fine young man.  True, wen he was young, he had to be punished.  But that strengthened his character.  He determined in his heart to one day teach his own children the same biblical teachings his parents taught him.

Then came that day when his own son was seemingly nowhere to be found.   "I wonder...."

                                             ~ ~ ~ ~ ~