Catching Up

Here I am once again, back after a long leave of absence.  I've missed my blogging and writing, but up till now I haven't had much of a chance to pursue this blog any further.  Of course, I've had time, but boosting up my energy levels has been pretty hard throughout my entire pregnancy, and especially of late.

I've almost reached the end of my pregnancy. Things are pretty different (and not to mention difficult). Ordinary, once-normal things like bending over to pick up something from the floor have become a major workout- and practically impossible.  A grocery trip is no longer a grocery trip.  Instead, it feels like a marathon.  And as for feet go (feet? what feet?! I don't remember what those are!), well...I've said enough about that.  I'm lucky just to get the dishes done and bed made in the morning before I doze off.  The activity of the feisty little girl inside me is enough to make all my energy fly out the window.

 

At lease, until a week or two ago. Now I'm practically bouncing off the walls in my anticipation.  At 37 weeks she was considered 'full-term,' and believe me, ever since then I've been going crazy, wondering each day if today was the day.  Unfortunately, here I am, a week and a half away from my due date, and still no baby.  I've scrubbed floors and the bathroom, did lots of laundry and all various aspects of housecleaning, and still no baby.  I've even ventured to climb a stairwell a...uh...few times (I was careful!).  Apparently she just isn't ready.

 

But, on a side note, that sweet baby girl, although she wakes me up in the middle of the night from movement or uncomfortable pain, is already the joy of my life.  Each day as I feel her move, it is the most amazing and humbling feeling in the world.  I have a baby growing inside me.

 

*whipsers in awe* I have a baby growing inside me.

 

Truly, each little (and not-so-little) kick, punch, stretch, roll, hiccup, kickpunchstretchrollhiccup, is definitely a little miracle of God, reminding me how blessed I am.  True, the not-so-fun side of pregnancy, including the morning sickness, stretchmarks, back pain, heartburn, weight gain, constant fatigue, uncomfortable nights of sleep (and no sleep), aching feet, and so forth, are a lot to deal with, but just the fact that I am the mother of a little girl soon-to-be-born, is so joyous, so unbelievabley amazing- the positive definitely outweighs the negative.

 

 

 

Even a baby who thinks that Mommy's bladder is her punching bag.  Forgive me if I have to run a few times as I write...I'll be right back.

 

Needless to say, life is a gift.  As I sit here and write, my laptop resting on my stomach and smiling as each baby-kick seems ready to pop right through my belly, I can't help but stop in wonder that soon, one day very soon (okay, okay, honestly, right now it doesn't feel like very soon!) my little girl will be resting in my arms, and I can hold her, snuggle with her, kiss her sweet cheeks, and love on her to my heart's content.  Sounds pretty good to me.

 

There is so much to accomplish in the next week and a half.  I can't wait until my life is jammed full of changing diapers, feedings, cuddling, baby baths, burpings, outfit changes five times a day, and all those fun baby moments, on top of all other homemaker duties there are.  There will be so much to do and I won't know what to do with myself.  Right now there is so much to do as well, but each new day that begins with good intentions usually ends up being just that- good intentions.  Over the past few weeks of my third trimester I felt like the only thing I got accomplished was eating and sleeping.  Imagine that.  So many women have told me that's just natural, and that I would get a boost of energy soon enough to get everything done before baby comes. I guess I've hit that stage now (not that the house is immaculate, but I feel like I've accomplished a lot).  The hospital bags have been packed for simply ages, the baby room is all prepared and waiting for the little one's arrival, and now thanks to the past few days, the house is in [almost] perfect order.  I've even added baked goods and a few meals to the freezer for good measure.  Yep, I am so ready.

 

 

 

So, for the time being, I'm just going to enjoy getting all this rest (from what I'm told, there won't be much time for it later).  Although the waiting is excruciating, I'm just going to enjoy feeling my baby kick and move around inside me, for it won't be long until I'll be missing that feeling.  For now, Little One, although Mommy and Daddy are eagerly awaiting your arrival, we will [try] to wait patiently for God's timing.  We know you are going to brighten our lives with your "ooh's" and "ahh's" and baby gurgles soon enough...but it isn't soon enough for us.  We're going to shower you with so much love you won't know what to do with it all.  You've been long awaited, and long expected.  Darling wee baby, you're going to fill our lives with so much joy!

I really can't wait to hold my baby.

When Dreams Come True

"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, 

and obtaineth favor of the LORD." ~Proverbs 18:22

"To be a mother and homemaker and an environmental expert in designing a place for the particular blend of people which will be your family—to grow and develop—is an amazing possibility. To be at the same time a wife and a companion, an interesting, growing, changing, developing person in the eyes of the man you married—not for just two years nor twelve nor twenty nor thirty, but forty and fifty years—is an added portion of this career." ~Edith Schaeffer

Right now I'd say that my foremost wish (besides wanting to glorify God in all that I do) is to get married.  Yeah, that little-girl-dream all girls have.  Not because I want to escape the evil clutches of a tyrannical life at home, not because I want my woman's independence, not because I dislike being a daughter at home, but because I want to have a husband to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, to do his laundry, clean his house, make his meals, cook him scrumptious desserts, run to him and jump into his arms every day when he gets home from work, read a good book with him in bed, sneak chocolate and ice cream under the covers and giggle like secretive ten-year-olds, go walking in the park while holding hands and maybe even stop at the swing set, fall asleep on his shoulder under the stars on our front porch and have him carry me to bed, have him look deeply in my eyes and tell me how much he adores me as he whispers of my beauty (big imagination here), go on adventurous, romantic escapades, have our own candlelight dinners at home, give birth to his children, and on and on my simple list goes.

 

Okay.  I admit I have too many stars in my eyes.

 

Guess I forget to mention the countless times he will track muddy boots into the just-sparkling-clean house, the disagreements and arguments (hopefully those will be few and far in-between!), the time he will go to pick me up and drops me of all things (slow down on the chocolate, Rachel!), his grumpy mood after a long and tedious day at work, the nights he doesn't want to snuggle but goes right to sleep (bummer), the food I scorch, the times he is late coming home, my irritable moods, my impatience with the children when they are being too noisy in their play, the squalling baby who keeps me up every hour of the night, the day the washing and drying machine breaks down, the time I eat onions and he doesn't want to kiss me ("what's up with that, Honey?!"), the tears of frustration, the times when nothing in the house seems to stay clean,  and on and on this list can go.

 

It's a crazy world.  One moment we are living on the high of new love, and the next we are back to reality.  No worries.  That doesn't damper my desire to get married.  The good definitely far outweighs the bad.  Sometimes the cost is great, but the reward is just so much greater!

But because my aspiration to get married is greatly elevated, discontentment tends to seep into my life in paramount abundance.  Especially the older I grow.  God, my longing is too much to bear!  Marry me off soon...please?

 

Oh yes, I absolutely want to get married (and God, as a side note, soon...ahem...whenever You think best would be preferable!), but many times I approach my desire for marriage with the wrong attitude.  I'm telling God I know better concerning when I should get married, instead of submitting to His will.  Marriage is viewed with my two hungry eyes, regarding it as some earthly heavenly state more privileged than the one I'm in.  Not so.

 

Of course, as many married women can attest I'm sure, there is nothing compared to living with the love of your life, taking care of him, and all the benefits of marriage, but we unmarried gals still have a lot to learn that they already know.  Those married women already know that marriage isn't a bed of roses every day, every minute of the day (as wonderful as a bed of roses sounds).  There are problems to deal with, just as there are problems to deal with before we get married.

Oh well.  Life is life.  Life always have problems.  I for one am willing to take the problems with my dreams.  Dreams do come true, if you can recall Cinderella's story from back when you were five.  Maybe not in the fanciful fairytale Hollywood version of love, but dreams can become reality.  I know my dream to get married will come true one day, but in God's timing.  I simply have to trust Him with that epoch in my life.  I can feel the bliss just thinking about it...

 

If you think about it, dreams really do come true—the right kind of dreams that is.  Our dreams, hopes, desires, and expectations for the future must become God's desires (Psalm 37:4-5).  Only then will they come to pass.  We must give up ourselves completely to the will of God.  But guess what?  We will have a much more wonderful life because of it!  He will give us the desires of our hearts, because we will desire what God has in store for us—what He deems best.

When dreams come true.  It sounds like a fairytale.  Life is a fairytale of sorts sometimes, mixed with a heavy dose of realism and life (i.e. sin, fallen man, and the chore of daily living).  After all, life can't be all bliss and pleasure; life always has thorns with its roses.  Nevertheless, God is working all things for our good (Romans 8:28), and we should always remember that God's good is much better than our best.

 

 So I'll keep dreaming.  While living in the here and now.   One day my dreams will come true and I'll get to wear a fancy white dress and a veil with flowers in my hair and walk down the aisle on Daddy's arm to the man of my dreams who will be waiting at the alter. 

 

And I can hardly wait.

True or False Love

When I was young and immature, I pretty much took love at its basic concept, as any young child does.  I loved my parents, I loved my siblings, I loved my family, and I loved my friends.  What else was there?  That was love.  It wasn't until I began to grow up that my version of loved changed (particularly due to a demolished sense of love portrayed in romance novels).  Love was that beautiful thing of romance and flowers, gazing deeply into someone's eyes, being "in a relationship" with someone, saying sweet things, being told sweet things, candlelight, and "ooey gooey mush," as some people like to call it.  However, the more I find out about true love, the more I realize that there is so much more beneath the underlying surface of romance.

For the rest of this article, visit my Guest Post on Covenant Devotion

Romance

"Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one's life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down; perhaps it crept to one's side like an old friend through quiet ways; perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some hidden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music; perhaps...perhaps...love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath."  ~L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avolea

My First Valentine

I am a girl who loves romance

The chocolate, the flowers, and learning to dance

Eyes alight as in a trance

—I look for my First Valentine

I search for it in places of love

The feeling that makes me fly like a dove

And ask for guidance from God above

—To help me find my First Valentine

In surprise, this quest

Leads me to the very best

The shoulder on whom my head does rest

—The man who is my First Valentine

He was not the one I sought

A deeper love, or so I thought

When with surprise my heart was caught

—In the arms of my First Valentine

Daddy has always been there for me

Even the days I could not see

He has always held my heart's key

—The man who is my First Valentine

Blinded by what I thought

Into a lie I had bought

But even in the mess I wrought

—I found my First Valentine

My heart is safe in Daddy's hands

Until I get my weddings bands

And at my side my husband stands

—To become my Valentine

But Daddy shall always be the first

For his love I do thirst

I feel as if my heart shall burst

—In love for my First Valentine

Joy Unspeakable

It's been a long time.

Needless to say, December was filled with much-expected excitement and busyness.  Not to mention all the preparation for Christmas and dear friends, gift-making and gift-wrapping, days of chilly weather, surprises, wishes and dreams come true, fun and frolic, laughter and loudness, peace and prosperity, the coming and going of Advent, decorating the Christmas tree, opening presents, fellowship and scrumptious foods, endless chatter and conversation, amusement, sport, entertainment, Scripture readings, family devotions, baking, learning and education, songs and hymns and spiritual songs, Christmas gaiety, Christmas carols, joyful hellos, bittersweet goodbyes, tears and happiness, and boundless amounts of delight in every way.

 

Just to give you a taste...

 Amy and I

 Grin, Ben!

 Fun with the camera

 All girls

 Bestest of friends!

 Loveliness

 Now THAT is what I call a shield...

 Beautiful Mama

 Little Bit

 Friends for a lifetime

 Friends since birth =)

 The "chaperone" ;)

 Whee!

Joy unspeakable.  Joy is much greater than earthly and whimsical happiness.  While happiness is based upon emotions, and thus the fulfillment of temporal enjoyment, joy is eternal and unending.  Happiness fades when troubles and trials enter the picture, but joy is ever still hopeful of the future and will remain whatever the circumstance.  I want more than just happiness; I want joy.

Joy can only be found in Christ.

"Thou wilt show me the path of life:
In Thy presence is fulness of joy;
At Thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore."
~Psalm 16:11

"For His anger endureth but a moment;
In His favor is life: weeping may endure for a night,
But joy cometh in the morning." ~Psalm 30:5

"Thy words were found, and I did eat them;
And Thy word was unto me the joy and rejoicing of mine heart:
For I am called by Thy name, O LORD God of hosts."
~Jeremiah 15:16

"For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink;
But righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost."
~Romans 14:17

I don't know why this is the case, but many times we are inclined to be sort of pessimistic. Okay, full and in fact, very pessimistic.  Joy, even for Christians, is hard to attain.  Perhaps it is our human nature, perhaps it is our sin which so easily besets us, or maybe we don't think God will  keep His promises.

Now that one is a shocker.

It is easy to think that joy was possible for the martyrs who suffered starvation, persecution, torture, and even death for the cause of Christ, but joy, possible for mundane daily life? No way!  Joy, possible for waiting and preparing?  Joy, possible when things don't go our way?  Joy, possible to have during moments of gloominess and despair and sin?  Joy, possible to keep when our simple insignificant lives seem to be falling apart?  Joy, possible in the midst of a confusing, chaotic "love life"?  Joy, possible in chores and cleaning and studying and learning and tutoring and obeying?  Surely not.  Most emphatically not.  We see joy possible in the big things, but definitely not the little things that make up our own lives.

Nevertheless, the correct answer would be YES!  Most definitely yes.  Joy is possible in all the little things that seem to be so big.  Believe me, it is hard, but I would really love to know who ever said life was going to be easy?  In fact, it is even harder for the Christian striving to be more like Christ each day, fighting against the despicable sin nature that so wants to win. 

The most amazing thing is that victory is possible, though only through Christ (Phil. 4:13).  Our joy can be unspeakable, and very full of glory.

Only the glory of Christ.  As in everything, our joy is to bring Him glory, praise, and honor.  Our chief end ought to be our life's ultimate goal: to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.  New Year's resolutions usually end in laziness or lack of appeal (I'm sure you have found that out by now), but our number one aim should always be the same.  Have joy, and glorify God.  What else is there?

"Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living."

"Many waters cannot quench love, 

neither can the floods drown it: 

If a man would give all the substance of his house for love, 

it would utterly be contemned."  ~Song of Solomon 8:7

I have always loved this verse, partly because I hope that one day when I am married this will be the description of the love between my husband and I.  "Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it."  The flow of the music in these words are mystically romantic, at least to a girl with extreme romantic inclinations.  Like me.  However, in our "girlish romantic inclinations" many times we can distort the view of true biblical love.  We develop a false misconception of happily ever afters, goosebumps and shivers down the spine, sentimentally romantic candlelight and flowers, irrationality, and...you know...all those things girls love.  Basically the belief that when two people fall head-over-heels there is nothing but happiness and passion and bliss and eternal peace is, quite frankly, the idea that has brainwashed our minds by romantic novels and Hollywood.

But don't get me wrong, there is happiness and passion and bliss in true love.  There are happily ever afters, goosebumps and shivers down the spine, sentimentally romantic candlelight and flowers, and so forth in true love and marriage, in a biblical, God-defined way.  We cannot automatically dismiss the love-making as off-limits to Christians as something irreligious, and make love into some hard-core lack-of-feeling mentality.  Definitely not.  God delights in love and marriage.  The Bible speaks many times on the aspect of love between a man and a woman, and even the romantic details that follow (Song of Solomon is an perfect example).

Nevertheless, girls are emotional.  Very emotional, very dramatic, very romantically inclined, and they we love every aspect of those wishy-washy feelings of love.  Why? We are women.  When a movie ends in a very happily ever after we get a feeling of gleesome "Oh I can't wait until that happens to me!"  Trust me, girls are oftentimes hard to understand, even for me being one of them, especially when it comes to our romantic tendencies.  Unfortunately we would sometimes rather live in a romance fantasy than the real world.

There is a destructive force of evil conforming the minds of young people today regarding love and marriage.  Not only are they encouraged to wait to get married until later in life, but when they do get "involved" there is a lot of fantasy regarding intimate relationships between young men and women, and it is initiated by Hollywood as a flirtatious and selfish type of love.  However, this is totally contrary to the biblical definition of true love.  

This post is not specifically targeting the differences between the world's version of love versus the Bible's, important though the subject matter may be.  Instead, I see most of all a disturbing amount of longing and sighing amongst girls wishing and hoping and praying for the right man to come along, especially Christian young women.  Perhaps it is because we are trying to live according to God's standards, which includes courtship and marriage, so we are often unhappy with our situation in life as we wait for "the one."  We may know what true love is, and we may be waiting expectantly for it, but sometimes we are so downright discouraged that we become discontent with our lot in life.

"Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living." -Jim Elliot

I come across the above quote one day in a book and it cause me to pause and wonder.  Jim Elliot was writing to his fiancee Elizabeth (who would later become his wife), and it surprised me that he would have such a surrendering attitude.  At that time they were both separated by many miles, and it was rare when they were able to see each other.  Yet still Jim Elliot wrote those words to her.  He understood how hard it was to surrender his life completely to God in every area, especially when it was concerning his love life.  More than anything he wanted to marry his beloved.  Nevertheless he understood that a person's intense longings must not slay the appetite of their living, or it will waste their life.

Because girls are eccentrically romantic we tend to look to the feelings that make us feel good.  In doing this we do not realize how easly we sow the seeds of discontentment.  Whether we are still waiting, or whether we know who God has intended for us, we all can have the same problem.  Our longings will absolutely destroy the moments we have for living a life dedicated to God—out of marriage or in marriage.  If we succumb to  disastrous feelings of longing that we cannot control, how will we ever be satisfied with what God has given us?

Trust me, I now that waiting and hoping is no easy task.  God gave every woman an inner desire to be loved by a man, but that is not a license for not living our lives.  In each of our lives—no matter our age or station—we can all invest in the families that God has placed us in, and develop the gifts He has blessed us with.  All too soon we will be starting families of our own, if it is God's will.  One day we will be enjoying an incredible amount of happiness as the man God has for us woos and wins us.  Then our womanly desires will be completed in an even fuller sense.

But until then, we are complete in Christ.  We have His love.  We are His part of His bride.  More than anything else, we are to be satisfied in Him.

And then one day we will be united in holy matrimony, and experience something grand and marvelous beyond our wildest dreams—biblical romance at its fullest.  In my opinion, that is far better than what the world has to offer.

"Delight thyself also in the LORD; 
and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. 
Commit thy way unto the LORD; 
trust in Him; and He shall bring it to pass." ~Psalm 37:4-5

A Poetical Song in the Midst of a Multitude of Color

I'm back to blogging after a month's leave of absence, and a two-week trip back home in Indiana.

I must say, I miss all the excitement and adventure we experienced during those wonderful two weeks.  I greatly miss the dear folks with whom we spent many hours laughing and talking—all the thrilling memories we now have to look back to—and I can't help thinking about how changed I am as I come back home.

Home.

 Home is where the heart is, or so I've been told.  Home is where loved ones gather each day.  Home is where there is laughter and play and memories.  Home is where Christ dwells in the midst of an institution that He created.  Home is lots of babies squealing around the hearth.  Home is wherever we meet in love and friendship.   

Home.

I love the sound of the word home.  It invokes a cheery sort of warmth in the pit of one's stomach, just like watching flames dance in a fireplace on a chilly Autumn evening with a friend.  All is peace, all is quiet, but there is such depth and significance to the silence.  I feel at home right now in the comfort of my own house, yet I can't help but miss the home that we left behind in the hearts of all our friends and family in Indiana.  Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Bliss is rather hard to describe, at least in my point of view.  How does one begin to express the deep yearning of love and ecstasy and excitement and incredibility and unbelievability and joy that comes from each blessing of God?  I know that I am not worthy to even attempt to describe it, except in these three words: God. Is. Sovereign.

God's sovereignty has everything to do with life.  It declares that He is in control of every aspect of our lives; it proclaims His goodness and wisdom and power and might; it sings loudly of His faithfulness to those who love Him (Rom.8:28); it shouts to the north, south, east, and west that He is the Creator, Master, and Lord of the universe.  It proclaims His majesty and holiness.

I feel so wonderful right now that I feel like singing.  My heart is too full for words.  Or is it?

At times when life seems too complicated
All I have to do is sit back and think
That the full picture is really so simple
And so much faster than the eye can blink

The colors of Autumn are a rare beauty
That only come once a year
Purple, orange, green, red, and yellow
Make God's love even more near

Love is a glorious thing
I can't even imagine its depth and height
One moment I cry in doubt
The next makes my throat swell tight

God's grace sometimes seems strange
But that is the mystery behind glory
Why some are called and others not
Is a deep and majestic story

A woman's emotions are a crazy ride
No finite man can understand
From happy to sad all day long
But even through that I can feel God's hand

True love is not just a feeling
Like Hollywood and storybooks say
True love is a biblical definition
That will last through even the roughest day

It is times like these when there's nothing to say
Yet I seem to think the most
Right now my heart is too full for words
Filled with peace from the Holy Ghost

There was a lot of happiness that happened on our trip, some of which I can't even begin to tell.  The joy of seeing lifelong friends once again, and the fulfillment of spending time with family members, is practically indescribable.  Even the photographer's lens is unworthy to capture such moments.

fishing ;)

friends for always

 Father and Son

 Sisters!

 Mischievous =)

 Football player in-the-making

 Photographer's battle

 Snickerdoodle

 Best Friends!

 Darling Little Bit!

 Cousin Elaina~So Sweet!

 Grandparents' love

 Self-portraits~love my new camera!

 Theater night with best friends~Courageous was fantastic!

 Autumn definitely is my favorite season of the year!

 My favorite Monkey!

 Old-fashioned preacher

 Guys and Guns

Unfortunately I couldn't post all of my pictures like I did on facebook...way too many!  But from the few that I have posted you can see a wee portion of the immense fun that we had every day.  We didn't want our trip to end, but as we know, all good things must come to an end.  Bummer.

So for now I'll just enjoy my new COOLPIX L100 15x wide optical zoom camera and my beautiful blue chocolate cellphone. Did I mention that I was extremely happy?

Joy cometh in the morning. ~Psalm 30:5