Catching Up

Here I am once again, back after a long leave of absence.  I've missed my blogging and writing, but up till now I haven't had much of a chance to pursue this blog any further.  Of course, I've had time, but boosting up my energy levels has been pretty hard throughout my entire pregnancy, and especially of late.

I've almost reached the end of my pregnancy. Things are pretty different (and not to mention difficult). Ordinary, once-normal things like bending over to pick up something from the floor have become a major workout- and practically impossible.  A grocery trip is no longer a grocery trip.  Instead, it feels like a marathon.  And as for feet go (feet? what feet?! I don't remember what those are!), well...I've said enough about that.  I'm lucky just to get the dishes done and bed made in the morning before I doze off.  The activity of the feisty little girl inside me is enough to make all my energy fly out the window.

 

At lease, until a week or two ago. Now I'm practically bouncing off the walls in my anticipation.  At 37 weeks she was considered 'full-term,' and believe me, ever since then I've been going crazy, wondering each day if today was the day.  Unfortunately, here I am, a week and a half away from my due date, and still no baby.  I've scrubbed floors and the bathroom, did lots of laundry and all various aspects of housecleaning, and still no baby.  I've even ventured to climb a stairwell a...uh...few times (I was careful!).  Apparently she just isn't ready.

 

But, on a side note, that sweet baby girl, although she wakes me up in the middle of the night from movement or uncomfortable pain, is already the joy of my life.  Each day as I feel her move, it is the most amazing and humbling feeling in the world.  I have a baby growing inside me.

 

*whipsers in awe* I have a baby growing inside me.

 

Truly, each little (and not-so-little) kick, punch, stretch, roll, hiccup, kickpunchstretchrollhiccup, is definitely a little miracle of God, reminding me how blessed I am.  True, the not-so-fun side of pregnancy, including the morning sickness, stretchmarks, back pain, heartburn, weight gain, constant fatigue, uncomfortable nights of sleep (and no sleep), aching feet, and so forth, are a lot to deal with, but just the fact that I am the mother of a little girl soon-to-be-born, is so joyous, so unbelievabley amazing- the positive definitely outweighs the negative.

 

 

 

Even a baby who thinks that Mommy's bladder is her punching bag.  Forgive me if I have to run a few times as I write...I'll be right back.

 

Needless to say, life is a gift.  As I sit here and write, my laptop resting on my stomach and smiling as each baby-kick seems ready to pop right through my belly, I can't help but stop in wonder that soon, one day very soon (okay, okay, honestly, right now it doesn't feel like very soon!) my little girl will be resting in my arms, and I can hold her, snuggle with her, kiss her sweet cheeks, and love on her to my heart's content.  Sounds pretty good to me.

 

There is so much to accomplish in the next week and a half.  I can't wait until my life is jammed full of changing diapers, feedings, cuddling, baby baths, burpings, outfit changes five times a day, and all those fun baby moments, on top of all other homemaker duties there are.  There will be so much to do and I won't know what to do with myself.  Right now there is so much to do as well, but each new day that begins with good intentions usually ends up being just that- good intentions.  Over the past few weeks of my third trimester I felt like the only thing I got accomplished was eating and sleeping.  Imagine that.  So many women have told me that's just natural, and that I would get a boost of energy soon enough to get everything done before baby comes. I guess I've hit that stage now (not that the house is immaculate, but I feel like I've accomplished a lot).  The hospital bags have been packed for simply ages, the baby room is all prepared and waiting for the little one's arrival, and now thanks to the past few days, the house is in [almost] perfect order.  I've even added baked goods and a few meals to the freezer for good measure.  Yep, I am so ready.

 

 

 

So, for the time being, I'm just going to enjoy getting all this rest (from what I'm told, there won't be much time for it later).  Although the waiting is excruciating, I'm just going to enjoy feeling my baby kick and move around inside me, for it won't be long until I'll be missing that feeling.  For now, Little One, although Mommy and Daddy are eagerly awaiting your arrival, we will [try] to wait patiently for God's timing.  We know you are going to brighten our lives with your "ooh's" and "ahh's" and baby gurgles soon enough...but it isn't soon enough for us.  We're going to shower you with so much love you won't know what to do with it all.  You've been long awaited, and long expected.  Darling wee baby, you're going to fill our lives with so much joy!

I really can't wait to hold my baby.

Peek-a-boo-baby

Hello again! And yeah I know, long time no post once again. Excuse 1,895: life has been busy. Isn't it always? April 20th marked our 6 month wedding anniversary (okay, maybe it's not a "real" anniversary, but it's the halfway mark!). It. Is. Amazing. I am so in love with my husband! As we are finding out, being newly married gets really tough, but God is helping us in all our trials and difficulties. We need His strength everyday. We are blessed beyond measure.

And speaking of blessings, God has given us something that is truly a miracle- one we have much sought after. It is wonderful how, when we long for something but God doesn't seem to be hearing, suddenly He finally bestows His blessing into the equation...right when we least excepted it.

And that is sometimes in the form of a teeny tiny little baby bump. Need I say more? Peek-a-boo, little one.

Farewell, Sweet School Days of Mine

I never thought I would actually be saying that.

I remember when I used to think about graduating and being done with my school days forever.  I longed for this day incredibly so, because I couldn't wait to "grow up" and finally be done with school.   I didn’t care what happened next, just as long as I finished in a hurry.

However, now that the day has come, I can’t help but look over the past twelve years and wish I had taken more advantage of being a schoolgirl.  I had wanted to grow up too fast.  And now that I have hit the "adult years," I can't help feeling a little mournful that those days are gone.  For good.

It's almost a scary thought of never getting back a special period of life.  Eighteen years of my life have now been lived.  I have gone through much laughter and tears, sorrow and bliss, heartache and happiness, pain and pleasure, grief and joy, discontentment and ease, anger and peace, strife and harmony, and I can say without remorse, it has all been worth it.  I have had my own fair share of being an unthankful and rebellious daughter; I have experienced more than enough of doubting faith; I have lacked in many areas that I should have been triumphing in; I have wallowed in the mire of self-pity—yet God has never failed me nor left me to the evil devices of my sinful heart.  He has been good to me for eighteen years by giving me wise parents that I don’t deserve, and seven wonderful siblings who have had to put up with me being the oldest (oh yeah, you younger siblings know what that means!).  Though we may not be the wealthiest family in material possessions, I believe I am the luckiest and richest girl to be alive.  I have love.  I have refuge.  I have protection.  I have friendship.  I have family.  I have salvation.  I have eighteen years to my credit.  I have an abundant life to look forward to.  I have joy.  I have unending love and forgiveness from my heavenly Father.  I have the life of a wife and mother to look forward to.  I have so many blessing to be thankful for!  Life isn’t bleak; life is bliss!

Look out world, here I come!  

I must admit, I am definitely not the most qualified to be growing up.  I still have so much to learn!  Just because I am graduating from my schoolgirl days does not mean I am fully prepared for anything that may come my way.  I will never stop learning on this journey of life, but that is the rewarding aspect of life!

The years have passed frightfully fast.  I used to think as a little girl that I would never grow up.  Life just wasn’t fast enough in my estimation.  My parents were always saying that life is actually too fast and I would realize it the older I grew, but I never could believe them.  Until now.  Now I understand just how fast life can be.

Thankfully I still have so much life to live ahead of me.  My dreams are still the same, and I plan to live them out.  My desire is still to become a wife and mother, all in God’s good timing (as hard as that is to say right now).  As for now, I can dwell in the knowledge that God is doing what is best for me—much better than I can even imagine.  In my impatience I cannot see what lies ahead.  In my finite “wisdom” I think that now would be best, but apparently God thinks differently.  For now, I rest content that one phase of life is over; many more are yet to come!

Just think.  Life is exciting.  Exhilarating.  Fulfilling.  Breathtaking even.  And it is all mine.  A gift from God.  One set of happy golden years are over, but there are others yet to come.  Even now I am experiencing a wonderful life!  So, farewell, sweet school days of mine.  I shan’t be remorseful, or regret the past, but instead press on toward new horizons.  There are too many grandiose dreams to live out in life, and I don’t want to miss out on even the smallest one.  Life is too precious.  Life is too fleeting.  One day I will look back on these days and wonder where the time went.  Just as I do now.  Goodbye, Happy Golden Years of schoolgirl days; hello Happy Golden Years of a brand new adventure!

Those Happy Golden Years

I never thought the goodbye would be tearful
When I waved my school days away
As I said goodbye to my childhood
And reached for a brand new day

I never thought I would miss those days
Of being young and learning a lot
Of books and pencils and aching fingers
And appliance of what I was taught

I'll miss being that little girl
Sometimes eager and sometimes glum
The dreary days I hated school
Once again those days will never come

I used to look forward to this day
Of being grown-up and free
But my childish naivety was sublime
To urge me on to what I wanted to be

I have found as the years have passed
That my time of learning does not end
My departed school days mark a beginning
Of a new horizon just over the bend

My outlook is bright as I press on
Excitement wonders what God has in store
I can only guess and be faithful to Him
As I spread my wings and step out the door

Farewell, good ole school days
Yesteryear seems so far away
Those happy golden years of being a child
Will never leave my memory from this day

Of how I was taught by the wisest parents
And learned side-by-side with siblings so dear
But now I have grown and those days are gone
My heart aches as I shed a mournful tear

Farewell forever, my sweet schoolgirl days
I press on to the mark of God’s calling for me
I’ll still be learning what life has to hold
A new dawn approaching I can see

I’ll miss you to a small extent
But I’m eager to experience something new
God has a plan for my life I know
—The big and little things I do

When Dreams Come True

"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, 

and obtaineth favor of the LORD." ~Proverbs 18:22

"To be a mother and homemaker and an environmental expert in designing a place for the particular blend of people which will be your family—to grow and develop—is an amazing possibility. To be at the same time a wife and a companion, an interesting, growing, changing, developing person in the eyes of the man you married—not for just two years nor twelve nor twenty nor thirty, but forty and fifty years—is an added portion of this career." ~Edith Schaeffer

Right now I'd say that my foremost wish (besides wanting to glorify God in all that I do) is to get married.  Yeah, that little-girl-dream all girls have.  Not because I want to escape the evil clutches of a tyrannical life at home, not because I want my woman's independence, not because I dislike being a daughter at home, but because I want to have a husband to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, to do his laundry, clean his house, make his meals, cook him scrumptious desserts, run to him and jump into his arms every day when he gets home from work, read a good book with him in bed, sneak chocolate and ice cream under the covers and giggle like secretive ten-year-olds, go walking in the park while holding hands and maybe even stop at the swing set, fall asleep on his shoulder under the stars on our front porch and have him carry me to bed, have him look deeply in my eyes and tell me how much he adores me as he whispers of my beauty (big imagination here), go on adventurous, romantic escapades, have our own candlelight dinners at home, give birth to his children, and on and on my simple list goes.

 

Okay.  I admit I have too many stars in my eyes.

 

Guess I forget to mention the countless times he will track muddy boots into the just-sparkling-clean house, the disagreements and arguments (hopefully those will be few and far in-between!), the time he will go to pick me up and drops me of all things (slow down on the chocolate, Rachel!), his grumpy mood after a long and tedious day at work, the nights he doesn't want to snuggle but goes right to sleep (bummer), the food I scorch, the times he is late coming home, my irritable moods, my impatience with the children when they are being too noisy in their play, the squalling baby who keeps me up every hour of the night, the day the washing and drying machine breaks down, the time I eat onions and he doesn't want to kiss me ("what's up with that, Honey?!"), the tears of frustration, the times when nothing in the house seems to stay clean,  and on and on this list can go.

 

It's a crazy world.  One moment we are living on the high of new love, and the next we are back to reality.  No worries.  That doesn't damper my desire to get married.  The good definitely far outweighs the bad.  Sometimes the cost is great, but the reward is just so much greater!

But because my aspiration to get married is greatly elevated, discontentment tends to seep into my life in paramount abundance.  Especially the older I grow.  God, my longing is too much to bear!  Marry me off soon...please?

 

Oh yes, I absolutely want to get married (and God, as a side note, soon...ahem...whenever You think best would be preferable!), but many times I approach my desire for marriage with the wrong attitude.  I'm telling God I know better concerning when I should get married, instead of submitting to His will.  Marriage is viewed with my two hungry eyes, regarding it as some earthly heavenly state more privileged than the one I'm in.  Not so.

 

Of course, as many married women can attest I'm sure, there is nothing compared to living with the love of your life, taking care of him, and all the benefits of marriage, but we unmarried gals still have a lot to learn that they already know.  Those married women already know that marriage isn't a bed of roses every day, every minute of the day (as wonderful as a bed of roses sounds).  There are problems to deal with, just as there are problems to deal with before we get married.

Oh well.  Life is life.  Life always have problems.  I for one am willing to take the problems with my dreams.  Dreams do come true, if you can recall Cinderella's story from back when you were five.  Maybe not in the fanciful fairytale Hollywood version of love, but dreams can become reality.  I know my dream to get married will come true one day, but in God's timing.  I simply have to trust Him with that epoch in my life.  I can feel the bliss just thinking about it...

 

If you think about it, dreams really do come true—the right kind of dreams that is.  Our dreams, hopes, desires, and expectations for the future must become God's desires (Psalm 37:4-5).  Only then will they come to pass.  We must give up ourselves completely to the will of God.  But guess what?  We will have a much more wonderful life because of it!  He will give us the desires of our hearts, because we will desire what God has in store for us—what He deems best.

When dreams come true.  It sounds like a fairytale.  Life is a fairytale of sorts sometimes, mixed with a heavy dose of realism and life (i.e. sin, fallen man, and the chore of daily living).  After all, life can't be all bliss and pleasure; life always has thorns with its roses.  Nevertheless, God is working all things for our good (Romans 8:28), and we should always remember that God's good is much better than our best.

 

 So I'll keep dreaming.  While living in the here and now.   One day my dreams will come true and I'll get to wear a fancy white dress and a veil with flowers in my hair and walk down the aisle on Daddy's arm to the man of my dreams who will be waiting at the alter. 

 

And I can hardly wait.

Blossom & Bloom

 Gorgeous Grace

 Little girl + flowers= smile!

 Now that is one tall flower.

Jane Austin elegance

 Precious capture!

 Taken by my wonderful photographic sister

 Blue eyes!

 Daisy Girl

 Cousin love...

 And best friends!

 Windblown but beautiful!

 Dogwood trees in luster and bloom

A Blessing in Surprise

Valentine's Day brought me the best and biggest surprise of my life, when a very dear and special friend showed up at my front door, with roses in tow no less, to visit for a whole week.  He even fixed me breakfast on the last morning we had together!  Now talk about joyful happiness.  What a wonderful and fantastic surprise it was!  In my opinion, those who have been friends since birth are the most happy of friends!

 Roses are definitely my favorite. 

Ah, their majestic loveliness is so refreshing!

 Chess has been one of our ultimate favorite games 

we have played ever since childhood.

 Our shadows =)

 We love taking walks while talking and laughing together!

Oh, what a splendid week it was! Thank God for blessings.

Joy Unspeakable

It's been a long time.

Needless to say, December was filled with much-expected excitement and busyness.  Not to mention all the preparation for Christmas and dear friends, gift-making and gift-wrapping, days of chilly weather, surprises, wishes and dreams come true, fun and frolic, laughter and loudness, peace and prosperity, the coming and going of Advent, decorating the Christmas tree, opening presents, fellowship and scrumptious foods, endless chatter and conversation, amusement, sport, entertainment, Scripture readings, family devotions, baking, learning and education, songs and hymns and spiritual songs, Christmas gaiety, Christmas carols, joyful hellos, bittersweet goodbyes, tears and happiness, and boundless amounts of delight in every way.

 

Just to give you a taste...

 Amy and I

 Grin, Ben!

 Fun with the camera

 All girls

 Bestest of friends!

 Loveliness

 Now THAT is what I call a shield...

 Beautiful Mama

 Little Bit

 Friends for a lifetime

 Friends since birth =)

 The "chaperone" ;)

 Whee!

Joy unspeakable.  Joy is much greater than earthly and whimsical happiness.  While happiness is based upon emotions, and thus the fulfillment of temporal enjoyment, joy is eternal and unending.  Happiness fades when troubles and trials enter the picture, but joy is ever still hopeful of the future and will remain whatever the circumstance.  I want more than just happiness; I want joy.

Joy can only be found in Christ.

"Thou wilt show me the path of life:
In Thy presence is fulness of joy;
At Thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore."
~Psalm 16:11

"For His anger endureth but a moment;
In His favor is life: weeping may endure for a night,
But joy cometh in the morning." ~Psalm 30:5

"Thy words were found, and I did eat them;
And Thy word was unto me the joy and rejoicing of mine heart:
For I am called by Thy name, O LORD God of hosts."
~Jeremiah 15:16

"For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink;
But righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost."
~Romans 14:17

I don't know why this is the case, but many times we are inclined to be sort of pessimistic. Okay, full and in fact, very pessimistic.  Joy, even for Christians, is hard to attain.  Perhaps it is our human nature, perhaps it is our sin which so easily besets us, or maybe we don't think God will  keep His promises.

Now that one is a shocker.

It is easy to think that joy was possible for the martyrs who suffered starvation, persecution, torture, and even death for the cause of Christ, but joy, possible for mundane daily life? No way!  Joy, possible for waiting and preparing?  Joy, possible when things don't go our way?  Joy, possible to have during moments of gloominess and despair and sin?  Joy, possible to keep when our simple insignificant lives seem to be falling apart?  Joy, possible in the midst of a confusing, chaotic "love life"?  Joy, possible in chores and cleaning and studying and learning and tutoring and obeying?  Surely not.  Most emphatically not.  We see joy possible in the big things, but definitely not the little things that make up our own lives.

Nevertheless, the correct answer would be YES!  Most definitely yes.  Joy is possible in all the little things that seem to be so big.  Believe me, it is hard, but I would really love to know who ever said life was going to be easy?  In fact, it is even harder for the Christian striving to be more like Christ each day, fighting against the despicable sin nature that so wants to win. 

The most amazing thing is that victory is possible, though only through Christ (Phil. 4:13).  Our joy can be unspeakable, and very full of glory.

Only the glory of Christ.  As in everything, our joy is to bring Him glory, praise, and honor.  Our chief end ought to be our life's ultimate goal: to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.  New Year's resolutions usually end in laziness or lack of appeal (I'm sure you have found that out by now), but our number one aim should always be the same.  Have joy, and glorify God.  What else is there?