Remaining Content in the Home

I love working in the kitchen.  The joy of cooking, the delicious aromas, and the fun of working alongside Mama and my sisters.  Some of my fondest memories will be the laughter and jokes shared during good times in the kitchen.  Then there is also the fact of the whole family gathering together around the dinner table after our thirty to forty minutes of sweat-work over the stove.  The happy times families can have together!  A family either pulls together through the good and bad times, or it will fall apart.  We see it across America today.  But that is another topic entirely...

How easy it is to remain content as a daughter in the home while the way is easy!  But then how hard it is to remain content in the home when the way becomes difficult!  Most people want to give in when things begin to look bleak and dreary.  Just like defeatism, this is a tragedy.  Defeatism can make young women look longingly at the world's independence.  "If only..."  runs through our minds.  But no, we shouldn't be thinking in "if only."  It will just get us into trouble.

Striving with contentment while the heart longs for "independence" (so-called) is practically impossible.  We can never be content until we root out of our hearts the longing and rebellion that remains.  Once it is removed, then we can begin practicing our contentment and patience.

Here I am, fifteen years old (although so close to sixteen I can begin to say "almost"), and I'm talking about remaining content while still at home?  You've got to be kidding!  Most stay-at-home daughters who might be getting impatient are in their twenties...so why me?

Let me share a secret with you about a young woman's heart: she longs desperately for the day when she will have that love and a home of her own.  A young woman dreams of the day that she will fall in love with the man who will remain hers forever.  However, is our desperate longing so desperate that discontentment will overtake our hearts?  Are we so desperate that all we ever think about is "love"?  Are we so desperate that we are constantly looking for "love" in all the wrong places, and at the wrong times?  Are we so desperate that any interest a young man displays (even the friendship type) sets our hearts to fluttering with giddiness and romance?  Are we also so desperate that we eat up romance novel after romance novel?  I'd say we're pretty desperate.

Romance novels.  A treacherous enemy.  In today's distorted world, we also have a distorted view about true love.  Fairytale romances certainly don't help.  Young girls nowadays are lost in an imaginary world of young men and women falling head-over-heels in love, and living happily ever after with the perfect marriage after a beautiful whirlwind courtship.  That isn't reality.

I admit: I've read plenty of romance novels in my day.  In fact, I have a bag of them in my closet.  I'll confess to an eager hunger to get my hands on those books, but what does it profit me?  A distorted view of love?  I don't need any more of that.  All that arises is discontentment with my position in life.  Even Christian romance is pretty twisted. (Can't we trust anything anymore?)  Most romance novels just feed our discontentment.

I thought I'd make a small point here: Jane Austin is one of my favorite authors.  Yes, I love her work, and yes, her books are Victorian novels of love, romance, strength, honor, integrity, and showing how to overcome difficulties in the world.   Am I going to throw the books out the window? No, but I'm not going to read them everyday...nor ever week...nor every month...

There is nothing wrong with reading a good fiction book once in a while, but not going overboard.  I don't want to become "hooked" again. (So no, I'm not giving up Mr. Darcy for good.)

I'm apt to make a fool of myself more times than not.  Talking over internet, or worse, talking in person, I always seem awkward and dumbly ignorant and unintelligent.  I've often sat staring around the room just because I can't think of anything to say.  (Like I've said before, my mind flows more clearly on paper than with my mouth.)   Or, I decide to take a stab in the dark, but blurt out something utterly incomprehensible.  Talk about remaining cosmopolitan.   My mind becomes immobile, or so it seems.  Most people don't know that 99.9 % of the things I'd really like to say are jumbled up inside of me.  Is it embarrassment?  Shyness?  Pride?  Fright?  Afraid of ridicule?  Perhaps all five?  Maybe.  But what does this have to do with remaining content in the home?

Just as I remain unsatisfied with my lack of conversing skills, so it is with discontentment, in anything.  The more I remain afraid, the more I sink into my little turtle shell, daring not ever! to come out into the sunlight.  My incompetency becomes deeper and deeper, and I grow weaker and weaker.  My discontentment grows, and I'll never rise to the occasion to deal with the situation.

Our problems have the same solution: shake off the shackles of discontentment and begin to live vivaciously with joy in our hearts.  Being shackled to the ground only hinders us from flying.

The next time discontentment rises in your heart, take special effort to remain loyal and kind.  Our families need us.  Do we really want to desert them to sow a few "wild oats"?  Those "wild oats" of independence only result in ruin.  Look at young women today.  Going off to college for four years after completing government school institutions.  Many lose more than just freedom.  Many give of themselves freely.  Many lose their virginity and purity.  Many go into careers that take over their whole lives, never enjoying the blessings of Daughterhood or Motherhood.  Do we want to give up our freedom for those shackles?  For we daughters are the ones with true freedom.  True freedom is taking responsibility and acting mature. True freedom is obeying what God has commanded.  What the world has may look like fun, but it is only "enjoyable" for a season. (Hebrews 11:25)  Whatsoever we sow, that shall we also reap. (Galatians 6:7)

Our twisted view of love will only set us off looking for that "perfect man" who will one day fulfill our every desire.  Isn't that ironic?  We know down deep there isn't any such perfect man, yet we're willing to search high and low for him endlessly.  We also know that we ourselves are far from perfect; how then can we think that a "perfect man" would marry an imperfect woman?  Utterly illogical.

I say we totally remove so-called "love" out of our minds.  After all, true love will one day be brought to us, if it is God's will, and in His timing.  Why do we want to be bogged down in the despair of discontentment and unsatisfaction?  We women are at our best when happy and ready to serve, not waiting for Prince Charming to ride along.  So put a smile on your face.  Grin at your reflection in the mirror if need be to boost your morale.  Give your sisters a kiss and your brothers a hug.  Share some laughter in the kitchen with your mother.  Show your support to your father by meaningful gestures.  Show your love.  Show your care.  Show your willingness to be a servant. (Mark 10:31,44; Luke 22:24-27)

Much better results will result from a proper attitude. And you know what?  God will one day reward our patience and fortitude.  Whether it is His will for you and I to marry or not, our perseverance will bear forth fruit. (Galatians 6:9)

Live every day as it were your last, for all too soon this life will be past. Kiss all your loved ones with tenderness and care, and show the whole world Christ's love which we should share. Make the most of your time with well-worth fruit, only what's done for Christ will one day take root.

The Duty of Daughters

You are a daughter; therefore you must live up to that expectation.

Need an explanation?  Okay, be prepared for a long and bumpy roller coaster ride: thrilling, yet life-changing.

Let's begin at the beginning.

When God first created mankind, He created both male and female.  Wait, that still isn't the very beginning.  A little farther back...

It was the sixth day of Creation.  The LORD God had already created Adam and the many divers animals.  Adam was given the task of naming every beast of the field.  But after the task was finished, there was no helper comparable to him.  God then took a rib from the sleeping Adam and made Woman, whom Adam called Eve.  She was his help meet.  (Genesis 2)

From the beginning of the world, woman's place was clear: she was to be man's helper.  Every woman is the help meet to her husband.  That is the definition of a wife.

Genesis 2:24 says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."   One flesh.  A husband and wife are to be joined together for life, both fulfilling their purpose in that life.  Man is the provider and bread-winner of the home (1 Timothy 5:8); woman is the keeper of the home (1 Timothy 5:14).  Each has their own individual responsibility and purpose ordained by God.

Up through the centuries, woman has became bold.  Women wanted independence and status in the world.  The skirts and aprons, pots and pans, babies and diapers, cleaning and cooking, submissiveness and honor, and all the qualities of a proper, good woman of the house were thrown into the garbage.  To replace such things: smoking, loud speeches, obnoxious voices, manly clothing and haircuts, careers, and college degrees have crept in, polluting woman's role.  Women are no longer satisfied to marry a godly man, have babies, take care of the house, prepare meals, sew, clean, help their husband in his work and business, thus maintaining a proper and orderly house.  No, they want to head off to college for four years, graduate with a diploma and go into their career, then maybe marry by age 27 and have one kid, still keeping their beloved career. 

Woman thinks that she "can do anything a man can do."  However, men cannot do everything women do, and women cannot do everything men do.   God did not create us that way.

Sadly, because of woman's desire to be free of man's rule, the women of today no longer understand a true woman's role.  We have been brainwashed into thinking we are every bit as good as a man.  We have been taught that women are to be independent and strong, knowing how to get what she wants and willing to do anything she wishes.  

What are the consequences?  Less and less families, more and more women employees, more and more illegitimate babies, women politicians, etc.  Less true wives and mothers, less homemakers, and a whole lot less femininity.  The society of woman is in a mess.  Let's go a little further and say that the whole of society is in a mess.....the whole world is in a mess!  Woman has lost her role in life.

What has this to do with daughters? you may think.  We're not wives yet.

While you are at home, your father is the head over you.  You submit to him.  That is the greatest preparation you can have to one day submit to your own husband. (Ephesians 5:22-24)  (Have trouble with submitting? Read this amazing article.)

Do you plan to go to college?  Do you plan to have a career?  Do you even plan to get married and have babies one day?  Lord willing, I plan to do the latter.  No, I'm not going off to college and I most certainly am not having a career outside the home.  God did not intend for women to have equal status in the world as men.  True, we are all of equal worth in His eyes, but He gave us different positions.  Woman is the wife, the mother, the keeper of the home.  Why do women and men have to do the same things?  As I said before, men cannot do everything women do, and women cannot do everything men can do.  They only think they can.  We all can be smart and gifted, but for different purposes.

Now that we have woman's true place in life figured out, what about the daughter?  One day the daughter will be grown up and get married.  Then she will have the duty and responsibility of being a wife and mother.  How will she know what to do?  Most young women today don't even know how to cook or clean or take care of babies, much more keep a house in decent running order.  How will a daughter know?  By learning at home.  Home is the best place to learn, the only place to learn.  College sure doesn't teach young women the necessary skills of running a household.  We daughters are to learn under our parents' tutelage.     From a very young age we can learn to clean house, cook meals, take care of babies, plus helping our fathers to progress their vision or business.  We will one day be a help meet (Lord willing) to our own husbands; therefore we can prepare for that day by helping our fathers.

Have a servant's heart.  Be willing to help out at anytime.  We are naturally selfish creatures, but as a very wise woman made clear to me, we women are not to progress our own desires, our own visions, our own wishes.  God created us to help men.  That means we are to help progress their desires, their visions, their wishes, not our own.

I've struggled myself in this area, and honestly, I have not been the daughter I should be.  I have been too caught up in my own desires, not my father's. (Take my writing attempts: I have been too busy with myself, when I should have been helping him. Like the very wise woman told me, we can still develop our own gifts that God has given us, but we are to perform our role in life first and foremost.)  How will that one day look to my future husband?  If I don't help my father out with his vision, what cause would there be to make a man think I would be a proper and helpful wife? (not that that should be the only reason we daughters help out our fathers. Please don't misunderstand me.)

I don't want to be seen like that.  Now I need to refocus and have a helping heart.  I scold myself for my lack of productiveness and earnestness.  However, just because we girls mess up doesn't mean we give up altogether. No!  Fail is not an option.  Let's start preparing for our own husbands (whether we get married or not) by preparation in the home.  I determine to reevaluate myself and get back on track.

Our single years are precious; we'll never regain them.  Do we want to waste them in idle longing, wishing and waiting for Prince Charming to ride up on a white stallion and take us off to fairyland?  Or do we want to be fully trained and prepared, having used our single years for the glory of God and for the help and benefit of our family?

Which will it be?  Will you embrace your duty?

Great places to check out for more additional info:  

Covenant Devotion

Visionary Daughters 

Joyfully at Home